A Matter Of Choice

life Oct 25, 2017

Life is full of opportunities to make decisions. Choices, choices, choices.

  • Which movie should I go to?
  • What should I make for dinner?
  • What outfit should I wear today?

For the most part, those decisions are relatively easy to make. Much more difficult and confronting are the decisions which are life altering.

  • Do I get married?
  • Do I get divorced?
  • Do I have a baby?
  • Do I have another child?
  • Do I quit my job?
  • Do I relocate my family for my work?

Whether faced with minor choices or life changing decisions, this is a set up for your Inner Critic to have a field day. She can ruin your evening if you find yourself overdressed at a party. She can spoil lovely family time if they didn’t like what you prepared. But much more significantly, she can paralyze your ability to take action in circumstances that will change your life.

She can keep you stuck in mind boggling indecision, undermining any possibility of moving forward, one way or another. She can flood your mind with...

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5 Steps To Be Less Judgmental

self Oct 25, 2017

I will admit it. I hate how judgmental I can be. But, the truth is that human beings are judgment making machines.

Even those human beings who proclaim they are not at all judgmental, they too have judgments. How many times have you formed an opinion of someone before you really got to know them? How many times have you felt judged by someone who doesn’t really know or understand you?

Most of our judgments of others come from fear. You see, the judgments that we have are all connected to what we have determined is the right way to be, the right way to live life, and the right things in life to value. Therefore, all of our judgments are somehow attempts to reinforce that we are “right” about the way we live.

We need to be “right”, because if we are wrong, it makes us feel like we are flawed in some way. And because it is difficult and scary to look at your flaws, and easier to find flaws in others, we automatically try to feel good by finding flaws in...

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5 Steps To Overcoming Body Image Issues

self Oct 25, 2017

As a therapist, I work with a lot of people who struggle with compulsive eating and body image issues.   Many of my clients have been on many different diets, and have lost the same 10, 30, 50 lbs. over and over again.

We are a culture that is obsessed with appearance, and many people set out to lose weight so that they can look better.  The diet industry is a $60 billion per year industry because it targets emphasis on food and weight as the problem.  As a result, millions of people are literally at war with themselves, struggling to deal with their food compulsions, beating themselves up on a daily basis for “having no willpower.”  It is this ongoing war, strengthened by images in the media and cultural messages, that produces a culture of self-loathing people.  

For most, the belief behind the war is “once I am thinner, I will feel the way that I want to feel about myself and my life.”  What most people fail to recognize...

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Is The Queen Of Chaos Driving The Bus?

self Oct 25, 2017
4 steps to calm your mind and stop the chaos

Do you ever wish that you could just take a vacation from your mind?

Do you wish that you had an “on-off” switch on the side of your head that you could turn off your worry about the future, your regrets of the past, the things you keep telling yourself over and over that you need to work on or change?

Our mind, the Queen of Chaos, can literally drive us crazy.  We live in a culture that fosters an overactive mind, that creates worry, frustration, dissatisfaction, sleeplessness, and a feeling that no matter what life we have, something (or many things!) about our life needs to be different.  It is as though our minds create a war inside of us, and we think that the way to peace is through continuing to examine what we need to change, how we need to improve, or we fixate on changing or improving someone else, like our spouse or our kids!

The bottom line is this:  We will never feel the content, joy, love and...

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5 Steps To Dethrone Your Crazy “Bad Mom” Inner Critic

parenting Oct 25, 2017

I have been waiting for the premier of the movie “Bad Moms” all summer long.  I have heard fellow moms talking about it for months, rallying packs of moms together to see this movie.  So, I was so excited when I finally went to see it last week.  I wanted to find out why it is that this movie is resonating with so many women in a way that no movie has done in years.

This movie really hit home for me, as a therapist who has helped thousands of moms struggle with feelings of guilt and inadequacy, and as a mom of three kids.  It also hits home with millions of moms out there who struggle with the feeling that they have no idea what they are doing, and they are not doing a good enough job.

Motherhood has become an all encompassing identity. Moms feel that it is their fundamental role in life to be the “ideal mom”:  To do it all, know it all, BE it all, and make sure your kids turn out the way you want them to!  This role has...

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5 Tools To Separate You From Your “Bad Mom” Inner Critic

parenting Oct 25, 2017

Your inner critic convinces you that you have to keep doing more, being more, knowing more, in order to feel like you are a good mom.  The minute you meet her expectation of who you are supposed to be, that is quickly yesterday’s news, and she is already on to the next problem you have to solve, the next mountain you have to climb, the next milestone you have to make your child reach.

The truth is that the feelings of inner peace, joy and contentment that all moms crave, come from learning how to separate yourself from your inner critic.  It’s about learning the tools to stop giving energy and attention to the critic’s attempts to improve, perfect, fix or change either you or your children.

Here are 5 tools to separate YOU from your “BAD MOM” INNER CRITIC:

1.    What is the story your inner critic has been telling you about the mom that you are?  Pay attention to the areas where you are struggling or suffering the most in...

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How The Inner Critic Can Take Over Our Sex Life

body relationships Oct 25, 2017

Click here to listen to this blog!

Psychological issues have a huge impact on a woman’s libido.  Maybe you don’t feel good about your body. Maybe you’re exhausted, because you’re too busy at work and having to take care of the house and kids when you get home.  Maybe you have no energy left to give to your partner.  All of this can contribute to anxiety, depression, stress, poor body image, low self-esteem, relationship issues, and life dissatisfaction.

Dr. Ruth says that the brain is the most erotic organ in the body.  So, the libido is very much influenced by a woman’s thoughts inside her head and her emotional well being.   

The truth is that the quality of your life is largely governed by your thinking.  Most people think that certain conditions are necessary in order to be happy, and if those conditions aren’t met, they can’t be happy.  In other words, “if I just were able to lose this...

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Who Are You Really?

self Oct 25, 2017

teacher, a doctor, an office worker, or a stay at home mom.  We may have been told that we are fun, funny, a good listener, and kind.  We may have been told that we are cold, selfish, controlling, judgmental.  It runs the gamut.

Where did our sense of self come from?  Primarily from our thinking…a collection of thoughts about our selves.  Our thoughts about ourselves include who we think we are, and what other people tell us. We have developed an identity from our childhood experiences, our ideas from our parents and siblings and from our culture.

What we often fail to realize, is that who we think we are, actually begins when we are first figuring out the world around us, and how people in our world relate to us.  As a child, we don’t have an understanding of how the world works. The beginnings of our sense of who we are, and who we are not, start to take shape when we are about three or four years old.  That’s pretty scary when...

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Your Arguing Style…And What It Says

relationships Oct 25, 2017

If you want to have a healthy, loving relationship, take a look at the way you argue.  Studies show that the way you argue can be a predictor of whether your relationship will last. There are basically two destructive fighting styles:  yelling and screaming, or stonewalling, which is withdrawing emotionally.  

And it doesn’t stop there!  In a new study from UC/Berkeley and Northwestern, researchers were able to accurately predict what type of health problems couples would have based on their fighting styles.  The study found that shutting down emotionally was linked to muscle tension and stiffness, particularly in the back and neck, while patterns of angry outbursts were associated with a higher risk of cardiovascular problems like chest pain and high blood pressure.

So, how do you change the way you argue?  The key to changing the way that you fight is about interrupting where your mind automatically goes.  

When we are in an argument,...

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5 Steps To Stop Letting Fear Get In The Way Of Life

fear Oct 25, 2017

This past week in my “Dethroning Your Inner Critic” class, we discussed how fear stops us from living the lives that we truly want to live.

Marianne Williamson says, “Love is what we were born with.  Fear is what we learn.”

Fear stops everyone.  Imagine how many opportunities we miss when fear keeps us stuck, and stands in the way of what we most want.

Your Inner Critic, the voice in the mind that speaks to you all day, runs on fear.  This is the voice that tells you that you shouldn’t take risks, because you might fail; that you need to keep yourself safe and protected from the possibility of rejection, inadequacy, vulnerability; that you should not put yourself out there to the world, because what if the the world says “no?”.  This Inner Critic develops in childhood as an attempt to avoid painful feelings, protecting you from feeling hurt in any way. It might sound like, “you should…”, “why...

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