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How Well Do You Know Your Authentic Self?

life self Jan 18, 2018

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Yesterday morning, we got a surprise quote via text summing up our work with accessing your Authentic Self and dethroning your Inner Critic:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

The quote originally comes from James Neil Hollingworth, a writer and free spirit who wrote under the pseudonym Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon.

This quote made us think: If you don’t take the time to access the voice of your Authentic Self, the fear from the Inner Critic rules your life.

But what if you don’t even know what your Authentic Self sounds like?

That you wouldn’t recognize it if you heard it out loud?

That if someone said, “Here, this is your Authentic Self,” you’d say, “Who’s this?”

You may not be on a first-name basis with your Authentic Self because you’re buried under the noise of your Inner Critic.

If we had a penny...

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Are You Addicted to Being Productive?

career Jan 03, 2018

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Let’s face it, when we accomplish something, we feel good.  Who doesn’t enjoy crossing something off their list?  This may seem like common sense but what may surprise you is that going for the “feel good” of accomplishment can actually start to become an addiction.  A pretty bold assertion, so what exactly do we mean?

Not only do we feel good when we accomplish something, but also being capable of producing so much typically results in acknowledgement from others, which feels even better.  Although both giving and receiving acknowledgement feels good, it can be a slippery slope when our self worth, how we feel valued, and maybe even a part of our identity can become attached to receiving this acknowledgement.  We may become a bottomless pit, always looking to accomplish more and more in order to feel important and fulfilled in our life.  

Are you sacrificing your true self? 

Now that you...

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Reinventing Your Relationship To Your Career

career Jan 03, 2018

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Are you unhappy in your job?  Feeling stuck?  Bored?  Do you find yourself fantasizing about making a move?

Many of our clients answer “yes” to these questions.  They see their happiness and fulfillment as being one job move away.  What we find is that those who are feeling stuck and bored in their current job may have actually felt stuck and bored in their past job(s).  This points to a habitual pattern in the way they think about their career, and may even be a habitual pattern of thinking that affects other areas of their lives as well.  We call this habitual way of thinking the voice of our Inner Critic.  And this voice, left unaddressed, can create a  pattern of dissatisfaction that will repeat itself.  So, before you set out in search of greener pastures to find fulfillment, consider bringing awareness to automatic thoughts of your Inner Critic.  Bringing awareness to this...

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What Does It Take To Have An Extraordinary Relationship?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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This is what all of our clients want to know. Do we have the answer in ten easy steps? NO. But as relationship experts, we can say here’s the bottom line: To have an extraordinary relationship, you have to be extraordinary.

We’re not talking about being a hero, or a martyr. We’re not talking about being an ascended God or Goddess. We’re talking about going beyond where you normally stop in order to maintain a loving connection with the important people in your life.

Most of us, when we are upset, angry or hurt, tend to forget to look at what we look like when we are reacting. We just let it rip, and give ourselves permission to get ugly in the face, yell or scream, or even worse, give our loved one the cold shoulder for as long as we want.

 

BEING RESPONSIBLE

Being extraordinary means giving up your comfort zone. It means being willing to make a move. It means giving up the need to be right. It means choosing connection...

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Your Inner Critic

self Oct 25, 2017

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THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD

Your Inner Critic is the voice inside your head that is constantly talking to you and telling you what you need to improve, where you don’t measure up, what goals you need to accomplish in your life so that you can achieve the inner peace and satisfaction that you are truly looking for.  The Inner Critic says “If you just lose that weight, make more money, get married, get divorced, get a different job, find new friends, get a bigger house, then you’ll truly be happy.” Or, your Inner Critic might say, “you need to be more spiritual in order to be happy.  You need to pray more, meditate more, relax more, have more free time, have a hobby, find your passion.  Then you will truly be happy. ”

MAKE IT STOP!

There’s a lot of discussion out there about “Silencing the Inner Critic”.  But, the idea of getting rid of our Inner Critic is not only an impossible and...

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Your Relationship With Yourself

self Oct 25, 2017

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Many of us never really think about what having a relationship with yourself really means. However, it is the key to everything we truly want in life; the key to peace, joy, contentment, love, and connection. Often we are not aware that it is our automatic thoughts about ourselves and of life that robs us of the very things that we are striving to attain. We often think that the way we can attain love, peace, joy, contentment, happiness, is by perfecting the “content” of our lives. If we get the “right” job, the “right” amount of money, weigh the “right” amount, be in the “right” relationship, we will find what we are looking for. The longer we pursue these goals as a means of attaining happiness, the more we recognize that the feeling of happiness or peace when the goal is met never lasts long.

THE HAMSTER ON THE HAMSTER-WHEEL

The minute we achieve a goal, we are onto the next, thinking...

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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We all have said “I love you” to someone at some point in our lives; to a partner, spouse, lover, child, parent, friend. But, how many of us take the time to really look at what we mean when we say those three “magic” words? Is it a feeling we feel, a thought that we think, a concept that occurs in our mind’s eye?

WHAT IS LOVE?

For our relationships to thrive, I believe that “love” needs to be a way of being that occurs in our actions, not just in words or thoughts. We may feel that we love another, but are we being loving when we interact with them? It may be easy to be loving when we are happy or pleased with them, or when they are showing up the way we want them to be. But, when we are angry, upset, disappointed or hurt does our loving behavior fly out the window?

AWARENESS IS THE KEY

Without being aware of what we are saying and how we are acting, we can give ourselves permission to be hurtful,...

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Anger Management

anger Oct 25, 2017

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Many people who we see in our practice struggle with anger.   Anger at their spouses, anger at their parents, anger at their children, anger at their partners, anger at their bosses, anger at their friends. They come in feeling very justified in their anger, and seek ways to change the other person so that they can feel less angry.

THE REAL SOURCE OF ANGER

Anger over time turns into chronic resentment, which then affects the dynamics of their relationships, not to mention their overall mood. What most of us do not see is that much of our anger has its source in unfulfilled expectations.

A SET UP FOR PROBLEMS
When we expect our kids to be better behaved, our partners to be less self centered, our bosses to be more appreciative, our parents to be more supportive, or our friends to be more thoughtful, we don’t realize that we are setting ourselves up to be disappointed at best, and downright angry at worst, because they don’t fit our...

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Messages The Inner Critic Sends

self Oct 25, 2017

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Through our work with hundreds of clients, we have discovered a theme.  This theme is that most of us derive our sense of self comes from the messages of our Inner Critic. We believe the messages of our Inner Critic, even when life gives us no evidence.  Even when life gives us a totally opposite message, in fact!

If our Inner Critic tells us that we are not good enough no matter how many people love us, no matter how much success we have had in our live, no matter how many compliments we have received, we only listen to what our Inner Critic says.

We think we hear those positive things about ourselves because we have “fooled” the ones we love. If they REALLY knew us the way we “know” ourselves, they would see what we know to be true. But, thus far, we have fooled them. What great con artists we all are! What if others actually see us for who we REALLY are?

What if who we think we are, our self concept, is really...

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Learning To Be Free Of Manipulations

self Oct 25, 2017

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Learning to separate yourself from your Inner Critic and let go of the automatic attempt to fix or control and instead very consciously choosing love and connection to your true self – without the interference of your Inner Critic – is a key step to an extraordinary relationship.

The greatest gift you can give to your relationships is to learn to be free from the damaging messages of your Inner Critic. Your Inner critic is constantly evaluating and judging you, your life, your partner, and your relationships. When your Inner Critic is in charge, it tries to control other people and the dynamics in the relationship so that things fit your Inner Critic’s ideal picture. Of course, in trying to do that, at any given moment, your partner can do or say something that causes distress inside you as soon as that ideal picture is not met. Our Inner Critic creates fear and insecurity because:

  • Your partner is not behaving the...
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