The reports of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have precipitated numerous conversations on social media as well as in family living rooms. This is so remarkable because these conversations are rarely held in public.

People who may be prone to thinking about suicide are those who have a strong ability to live in denial and cover up what they are experiencing internally.  They often put on a façade and enroll the world into believing that they are fine, while hiding the pain they are really experiencing.

We live in a culture that encourages pretense.  We pretend that everything is fine and good so that we can post happy images on social media and look like our lives our problem free.  We have ordinary conversations about emotional issues; relating to emotional pain as something to hide, something we are ashamed of. If these conversations occur at all, they are usually spoken to a therapist, or coach, or to certain close friends.

For someone who is...

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 Hey Dethroning Tribe!

This weeks message is a special shout out to all you parents out there. As parents, we dream about who our children are going to be, how they might be like us, how they might be different from us, and how we can raise them to be happy and successful in life.  While this dreaming is a normal part of parenthood, many of us wake up one day only to realize that our children are just different than what we expected.  

Because we have expectations of who we want our children to be, and how we want them to behave in their lives, when they don’t fit this picture, we may automatically react from a place of trying to fix or change them to fit our expectation.  If we can’t fix or change them, we may feel that we have failed as a parent, or are not doing a good enough job in raising our children. And as our children continue to grow, our fear of messing them up can continue to grow, too. Sound familiar? You...

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Hey Dethroning Tribe!

Spring has finally sprung!  For many, this time of year is about renewal.  The winter coats are put away, the daffodils are out, the sun is shining, and the days are longer.  Some feel the pull to spend more time outside, clear the clutter, maybe take on a new eating and exercise routine…. get out of the hibernation mode of winter!

 For others though, a new season is reason for the Inner Critic to hyper-focus on what’s missing in life.  The newness of Spring is just another reminder that others are happier (turn no farther than your Instagram feed for proof), everyone is on vacation and you’re not (thank you Facebook), life is just better for that person over there (compare and despair).  Even worse, because this new season is Spring, your Inner Critic jumps right into shoulding you by saying, “It’s Spring.  Everyone loves Spring. You should too....

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We are all very familiar with the Golden Rule: treat people the way you want to be treated.  But what if you are someone who feels let you down by the way people are treating you?

Here’s a twist on the Golden Rule that people rarely consider:  When the people you love are not treating you the way you want to be treated, perhaps it is because you expect them to give you what you have not learned to give yourself.

When you have not learned to give yourself the love, kindness and compassion that you need, you can become easily triggered by another’s behavior.

For instance, if your Inner Critic frequently speaks to you in disparaging ways, you may become overly reactive to the smallest bit of disrespect from your teenager despite knowing that this behavior is typical of a child this age.  If your Inner Critic makes you feel like you are not valued or important enough, your spouse’s forgetfulness to check in with you...

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Are You Sleepwalking Through Life?

Many of us unknowingly sleepwalk through our lives. We have repetitive thoughts that play on a continuous loop.  We listen to the same worries, the same negative beliefs, regrets,“what ifs” and shoulds' and shouldn’ts day in and day out.  When we sleepwalk through life, we become stuck, dissatisfied and unable to see possibility for ourselves.

Does this sound familiar to you?  We have good news! It doesn’t have to be this way.  

“Waking up” to your life takes intention, commitment and consistency.  Taking on a daily practice of reflecting on your thoughts, even if for 5 minutes a day, can break-up your sleepwalking habit causing you to be more awake and alive.  

Here are some targeted questions we encourage our clients to ask themselves during reflection.  We invite you to take them on daily for a few weeks and then let us know what you begin...

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Happy March, Dethroning Tribe!

This month we are taking a deep dive into the connection between our Inner Critic and the way we treat our body.   

What many don’t recognize is that our relationship to food and the way we treat our body is a direct reflection of our deepest held thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, which we very often push away rather than take the time to reflect upon.  

You see, these deeply held thoughts and beliefs began when we were very young.  When we were young children, we were simply pure love. We had no concern with what others thought, and danced and sang at the top of our lungs like no one was watching!  

But then, something happened.  It’s the moment we got hurt, embarrassed, or in some way felt like we weren’t okay.  We ALL had a moment like this.  And it is from this moment that our Inner Critic is first born.  Your Inner Critic voice decided that...

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A recent Weight Watchers study revealed that as many as 75% of women dislike their bodies. This research also revealed that body shame was a prevalent theme, and greatly impacted the quality of their relationships with their partner. This percentage is truly staggering!!   How did this happen that we live in a culture that is rampant with body loathing and shame, eating disorders, and issues with anxiety and depression that are weight and body related?

So many women treat their bodies with harshness, shame and disrespect.  They relate to food as though there is “good” food and “bad” food, and then feel shame every time they eat something that’s on the bad list. There are women who eat while on auto pilot, and are numbing their shame, fear, sadness and loneliness with food.  There are women who push themselves to the limits with exercise, spending hours and hours training for...

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Living from your Inner Critic in your romantic relationship will have you looking for what’s wrong, broken and isn’t working rather than what’s right, good and already working.

On this day of love, you have the opportunity to make a choice about how you want to keep your relationship. 

Your Inner Critic convinces you something is wrong with you and your relationship -- even in the most benign situations. When your partner leaves wet towels on the bathroom floor, it can make you feel like what’s important to you doesn’t matter to him or her.

This leads to a choice: Do you want to keep looking at your relationship through the lens of your Inner Critic, or do you want to search for all that’s right? 

One automatic behavior of your Inner Critic is called a comparison hold, when your Inner Critic compares your partner to a standard that may not be based in reality.

As an example: Your partner didn’t bring...

Note: This is the first installment in our month-long series about how the Inner Critic meddles in romantic relationships.

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Your Inner Critic can be the opposite of Cupid -- instead of bringing you closer to your partner, it can cause you to act in ways that actually sabotage your relationship, creating pain and distance.  

When your partner says or does something that triggers your Inner Critic, you may believe he or she is behaving this way because you're not loved enough, valued enough or important enough.

When you’re validating and “truthifying” the messages from your Inner Critic, you believe what you’re seeing, which dictates how you feel and act towards your partner. This is how small misunderstandings can turn into huge blow ups.  

When the Inner Critic is in charge of your romantic relationship, love can go out the window. You may react toward your partner with anger, criticism, or even worse, shut down and...

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Yesterday, we talked with a new client, a senior level executive with years of experience as a leader, a history of promotions and ample accolades.  

In each discussion we have with her, we become more present to her greatness. But we also feel heartbroken to hear how loud her Inner Critic is judging, assessing and chattering negative messages.

“You’re obsolete.”

“You’ll never find that dream job.”

“The great years of your professional life are over.”

Unfortunately, this is a familiar conversation to us. Many of our clients find themselves in a place where they’re unable to take action.

They analyze and overanalyze what they should or actually say.

For many of us, our Inner Critic’s messages sabotage us and keep us stuck, saying some variation of:

“I don’t feel like I’m ready. I don’t have what it takes.”

“I’m not going to do it perfectly, so I...