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Three Ways to Combat Impostor Syndrome

self Jan 29, 2018

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If you find yourself feeling like a phony despite your personal and professional achievements, you’re not alone.

Even we’ve felt this way, something Joanna describes here:

“I always had this voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough. At 12-years-old, I watched a motivational speaker change a woman's entire perspective about herself in one interaction. I knew that's what I wanted to do with my life. In my unending quest to live this dream, I had to fight this voice every step of the way. My battle with this voice was the inspiration behind the Dethroning Your Inner Critic work.”

Even Oscar-winner Viola Davis and three-time Oscar-nominee Michelle Pfeiffer have struggled with these thoughts.

"It feels like my hard work has paid off, but at the same time I still have the impostor, you know, syndrome," Davis told ABC News after winning an Academy Award. “I still feel like I'm going to wake up and everybody's...

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How to Stop Overanalyzing Your Life

career self Jan 23, 2018

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Yesterday, we talked with a new client, a senior level executive with years of experience as a leader, a history of promotions and ample accolades.  

In each discussion we have with her, we become more present to her greatness. But we also feel heartbroken to hear how loud her Inner Critic is judging, assessing and chattering negative messages.

“You’re obsolete.”

“You’ll never find that dream job.”

“The great years of your professional life are over.”

Unfortunately, this is a familiar conversation to us. Many of our clients find themselves in a place where they’re unable to take action.

They analyze and overanalyze what they should or actually say.

For many of us, our Inner Critic’s messages sabotage us and keep us stuck, saying some variation of:

“I don’t feel like I’m ready. I don’t have what it takes.”

“I’m not going to do it perfectly, so I...

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How Well Do You Know Your Authentic Self?

life self Jan 18, 2018

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Yesterday morning, we got a surprise quote via text summing up our work with accessing your Authentic Self and dethroning your Inner Critic:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

The quote originally comes from James Neil Hollingworth, a writer and free spirit who wrote under the pseudonym Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon.

This quote made us think: If you don’t take the time to access the voice of your Authentic Self, the fear from the Inner Critic rules your life.

But what if you don’t even know what your Authentic Self sounds like?

That you wouldn’t recognize it if you heard it out loud?

That if someone said, “Here, this is your Authentic Self,” you’d say, “Who’s this?”

You may not be on a first-name basis with your Authentic Self because you’re buried under the noise of your Inner Critic.

If we had a penny...

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Your Inner Critic

self Oct 25, 2017

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THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD

Your Inner Critic is the voice inside your head that is constantly talking to you and telling you what you need to improve, where you don’t measure up, what goals you need to accomplish in your life so that you can achieve the inner peace and satisfaction that you are truly looking for.  The Inner Critic says “If you just lose that weight, make more money, get married, get divorced, get a different job, find new friends, get a bigger house, then you’ll truly be happy.” Or, your Inner Critic might say, “you need to be more spiritual in order to be happy.  You need to pray more, meditate more, relax more, have more free time, have a hobby, find your passion.  Then you will truly be happy. ”

MAKE IT STOP!

There’s a lot of discussion out there about “Silencing the Inner Critic”.  But, the idea of getting rid of our Inner Critic is not only an impossible and...

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Your Relationship With Yourself

self Oct 25, 2017

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Many of us never really think about what having a relationship with yourself really means. However, it is the key to everything we truly want in life; the key to peace, joy, contentment, love, and connection. Often we are not aware that it is our automatic thoughts about ourselves and of life that robs us of the very things that we are striving to attain. We often think that the way we can attain love, peace, joy, contentment, happiness, is by perfecting the “content” of our lives. If we get the “right” job, the “right” amount of money, weigh the “right” amount, be in the “right” relationship, we will find what we are looking for. The longer we pursue these goals as a means of attaining happiness, the more we recognize that the feeling of happiness or peace when the goal is met never lasts long.

THE HAMSTER ON THE HAMSTER-WHEEL

The minute we achieve a goal, we are onto the next, thinking...

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Messages The Inner Critic Sends

self Oct 25, 2017

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Through our work with hundreds of clients, we have discovered a theme.  This theme is that most of us derive our sense of self comes from the messages of our Inner Critic. We believe the messages of our Inner Critic, even when life gives us no evidence.  Even when life gives us a totally opposite message, in fact!

If our Inner Critic tells us that we are not good enough no matter how many people love us, no matter how much success we have had in our live, no matter how many compliments we have received, we only listen to what our Inner Critic says.

We think we hear those positive things about ourselves because we have “fooled” the ones we love. If they REALLY knew us the way we “know” ourselves, they would see what we know to be true. But, thus far, we have fooled them. What great con artists we all are! What if others actually see us for who we REALLY are?

What if who we think we are, our self concept, is really...

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Learning To Be Free Of Manipulations

self Oct 25, 2017

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Learning to separate yourself from your Inner Critic and let go of the automatic attempt to fix or control and instead very consciously choosing love and connection to your true self – without the interference of your Inner Critic – is a key step to an extraordinary relationship.

The greatest gift you can give to your relationships is to learn to be free from the damaging messages of your Inner Critic. Your Inner critic is constantly evaluating and judging you, your life, your partner, and your relationships. When your Inner Critic is in charge, it tries to control other people and the dynamics in the relationship so that things fit your Inner Critic’s ideal picture. Of course, in trying to do that, at any given moment, your partner can do or say something that causes distress inside you as soon as that ideal picture is not met. Our Inner Critic creates fear and insecurity because:

  • Your partner is not behaving the...
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You’re Driving Me Crazy!

self Oct 25, 2017

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We all get frustrated sometimes. Our expectations aren’t met. Our intentions get thwarted. What we want to happen isn’t happening fast enough. We keep doing what we think will produce the best result we want, but it still seems to go nowhere. What to do about it?

We can stomp our feet in frustration, we can pull our hair out, we can throw an adult temper tantrum.  All that will get us is painful feet, thinning hair, and a reputation for being immature.

Frustration that dominates our lives becomes a problem. Life is filled with circumstances and events that can be frustrating. But if we get triggered into an over-reaction when things don’t go our way, it is usually the inner critic that has taken over.

She is the one who makes your blood pressure rise and the one who feels angry and resentful towards whatever or whomever is blocking you.

As always, the first step in easing the frustrations we feel is...

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The One You Feed

self Oct 25, 2017

There is an old Cherokee Indian legend that illustrates the battle between US and our INNER CRITIC beautifully.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good–he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

In our culture, high self-esteem is something that has received a lot of attention.

  • We want to feel talented,...
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5 Steps To Be Less Judgmental

self Oct 25, 2017

I will admit it. I hate how judgmental I can be. But, the truth is that human beings are judgment making machines.

Even those human beings who proclaim they are not at all judgmental, they too have judgments. How many times have you formed an opinion of someone before you really got to know them? How many times have you felt judged by someone who doesn’t really know or understand you?

Most of our judgments of others come from fear. You see, the judgments that we have are all connected to what we have determined is the right way to be, the right way to live life, and the right things in life to value. Therefore, all of our judgments are somehow attempts to reinforce that we are “right” about the way we live.

We need to be “right”, because if we are wrong, it makes us feel like we are flawed in some way. And because it is difficult and scary to look at your flaws, and easier to find flaws in others, we automatically try to feel good by finding flaws in...

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