About Us Video Raving Fans Blog Services Let's Chat Join The Movement! Login

Who’s Really in the Driver’s Seat of Your Relationship?

relationships Feb 14, 2018

Click here to listen to the blog!

Living from your Inner Critic in your romantic relationship will have you looking for what’s wrong, broken and isn’t working rather than what’s right, good and already working.

On this day of love, you have the opportunity to make a choice about how you want to keep your relationship. 

Your Inner Critic convinces you something is wrong with you and your relationship -- even in the most benign situations. When your partner leaves wet towels on the bathroom floor, it can make you feel like what’s important to you doesn’t matter to him or her.

This leads to a choice: Do you want to keep looking at your relationship through the lens of your Inner Critic, or do you want to search for all that’s right? 

One automatic behavior of your Inner Critic is called a comparison hold, when your Inner Critic compares your partner to a standard that may not be based in reality.

As an example: Your partner didn’t bring...

Continue Reading...

3 Ways Your Inner Critic Sabotages Your Romantic Relationships

relationships Feb 06, 2018

Note: This is the first installment in our month-long series about how the Inner Critic meddles in romantic relationships.

Click here to listen to the blog!

Your Inner Critic can be the opposite of Cupid -- instead of bringing you closer to your partner, it can cause you to act in ways that actually sabotage your relationship, creating pain and distance.  

When your partner says or does something that triggers your Inner Critic, you may believe he or she is behaving this way because you're not loved enough, valued enough or important enough.

When you’re validating and “truthifying” the messages from your Inner Critic, you believe what you’re seeing, which dictates how you feel and act towards your partner. This is how small misunderstandings can turn into huge blow ups.  

When the Inner Critic is in charge of your romantic relationship, love can go out the window. You may react toward your partner with anger, criticism, or even worse, shut down and...

Continue Reading...

What Does It Take To Have An Extraordinary Relationship?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

Click here to listen to this blog!

This is what all of our clients want to know. Do we have the answer in ten easy steps? NO. But as relationship experts, we can say here’s the bottom line: To have an extraordinary relationship, you have to be extraordinary.

We’re not talking about being a hero, or a martyr. We’re not talking about being an ascended God or Goddess. We’re talking about going beyond where you normally stop in order to maintain a loving connection with the important people in your life.

Most of us, when we are upset, angry or hurt, tend to forget to look at what we look like when we are reacting. We just let it rip, and give ourselves permission to get ugly in the face, yell or scream, or even worse, give our loved one the cold shoulder for as long as we want.

 

BEING RESPONSIBLE

Being extraordinary means giving up your comfort zone. It means being willing to make a move. It means giving up the need to be right. It means choosing connection...

Continue Reading...

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

Click here to listen to this blog!

We all have said “I love you” to someone at some point in our lives; to a partner, spouse, lover, child, parent, friend. But, how many of us take the time to really look at what we mean when we say those three “magic” words? Is it a feeling we feel, a thought that we think, a concept that occurs in our mind’s eye?

WHAT IS LOVE?

For our relationships to thrive, I believe that “love” needs to be a way of being that occurs in our actions, not just in words or thoughts. We may feel that we love another, but are we being loving when we interact with them? It may be easy to be loving when we are happy or pleased with them, or when they are showing up the way we want them to be. But, when we are angry, upset, disappointed or hurt does our loving behavior fly out the window?

AWARENESS IS THE KEY

Without being aware of what we are saying and how we are acting, we can give ourselves permission to be hurtful,...

Continue Reading...

Soda Cans Can Blow Up

relationships Oct 25, 2017

Click here to listen to this blog!

Unlike some methods found in traditional relationship counseling understanding what you’re REALLY upset about is the key to having extraordinary relationships.   

Rather than blaming other people for your reaction, it is important to recognize that it is actually your inner critic that is triggered, telling you that they are behaving this way because you are not loved enough, valued enough, important enough.

THIS IS HOW SODA CANS LEFT ON A COUNTER CAN CAUSE BLOW UP EXPLOSIONS!   

We are never angry at what we think we are angry about. It is always the underlying message that our inner critic is giving us that is responsible for the damaging patterns in our relationships.

Your Inner Critic is the voice in your mind that is constantly talking to you and telling you what you need to improve, where you don’t measure up, and what you need to fix.

Your inner critic tries to have control over your world, and convinces...

Continue Reading...

The Real Problem

relationships Oct 25, 2017

Click here to listen to this blog!

Your Inner Critic is the voice in your mind that is constantly talking to you and telling you what you need to improve, where you don’t measure up, and what you need to fix. Your Inner Critic tries to have control over your world and convinces you that, if you listen to it and do exactly what it says:

  • You will have control.
  • You will be able to get your life to go in the direction that you want it to go.
  • You will get people to treat you the way you want them to.

In our work, we speak with  folks all the time who don’t realize how much of their lives are controlled by our Inner Critic. It’s easy to get automatically sucked into the message of the Inner Critic and then attempt to control the feelings we’re having by fixing or changing the world outside. We think that if “they” can just change their current circumstance, things will be ok.

The real problem is not with the outside world....

Continue Reading...

5 Ways To Prevent Your Inner Critic From Wreaking Havoc On Your Relationship

relationships Oct 25, 2017

Click here to listen to this blog!

Your Inner Critic, the voice in your mind that speaks to you all day every day, is the voice that is constantly evaluating you, telling you what you have to fix, change and perfect. It’s been the voice that has been yacking away your whole life, and you continue to listen to it, never understanding that this is where much of the suffering in your life originates.

It says that if you just keep trying harder and harder to get better and better, you will get to a point where you finally feel like everything is perfect.The problem is that no matter what you have accomplished, achieved, changed or fixed, the inner critic is always there telling you what’s next to fix or change. The impact of this voice does not just take its toll on your relationship with yourself, but can also wreak havoc on your relationship.

Because our Inner Critic makes us feel inadequate in some way, shape or form, we tend to look toward our partner as a way to...

Continue Reading...

How The Inner Critic Can Take Over Our Sex Life

body relationships Oct 25, 2017

Click here to listen to this blog!

Psychological issues have a huge impact on a woman’s libido.  Maybe you don’t feel good about your body. Maybe you’re exhausted, because you’re too busy at work and having to take care of the house and kids when you get home.  Maybe you have no energy left to give to your partner.  All of this can contribute to anxiety, depression, stress, poor body image, low self-esteem, relationship issues, and life dissatisfaction.

Dr. Ruth says that the brain is the most erotic organ in the body.  So, the libido is very much influenced by a woman’s thoughts inside her head and her emotional well being.   

The truth is that the quality of your life is largely governed by your thinking.  Most people think that certain conditions are necessary in order to be happy, and if those conditions aren’t met, they can’t be happy.  In other words, “if I just were able to lose this...

Continue Reading...

Your Arguing Style…And What It Says

relationships Oct 25, 2017

If you want to have a healthy, loving relationship, take a look at the way you argue.  Studies show that the way you argue can be a predictor of whether your relationship will last. There are basically two destructive fighting styles:  yelling and screaming, or stonewalling, which is withdrawing emotionally.  

And it doesn’t stop there!  In a new study from UC/Berkeley and Northwestern, researchers were able to accurately predict what type of health problems couples would have based on their fighting styles.  The study found that shutting down emotionally was linked to muscle tension and stiffness, particularly in the back and neck, while patterns of angry outbursts were associated with a higher risk of cardiovascular problems like chest pain and high blood pressure.

So, how do you change the way you argue?  The key to changing the way that you fight is about interrupting where your mind automatically goes.  

When we are in an argument,...

Continue Reading...

Extraordinary Relationships Over The Holidays

relationships Oct 25, 2017

It’s the holiday season, and stress and holidays often go hand in hand. Shopping, decorating, end of the year deadlines at work, and family planning can often leave us feeling impatient, cranky, and in some cases, downright depressed.  This added stress can often result in tension and conflict, old wounds can resurface, and relationships can breakdown.

In my relationship counseling practice, holiday seasons are my busiest time of the year.  Breakdowns abound with spouses, children, and extended family members.

Here are 4 ways to avoid the pitfalls and enhance your ability to have relationships that are loving and connected:

1.     Take Responsibility for the Quality of Your Relationship.  Most of us are conditioned to blame something or someone else for how we are feeling.  When relationships come under stress, we often want to fix or change something about another in order to feel better about ourselves, or blame someone else for causing the...

Continue Reading...
1 2
Close

50% Complete

Two Step

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.