Who's in the Driver's Seat of Your Relationship?

relationships Jun 07, 2019

Every day we make choices on how to feel about everything. When we wake up we can decide we are happy about it or upset by it but it is only our thoughts about it that makes it so. For example, I know a lot of people who hate Monday’s but “Karen” thinks of it as just another day. Allowing herself to be upset by a day of the week does not make sense to her so when Monday rolls around she’s the only one in the office who is cheerful.

 

You can apply this to your relationships too. Living from the narrow and distorted view of your Inner Critic in your romantic relationship will have you looking for what’s wrong, broken and isn’t working rather than what’s right, good and already working. You have to make the conscious choice to kick your inner critic to the curb...or at least the couch.

How can you become the driver in your relationship again?

 

There are four common ways your Inner Critic is sabotaging your relationships. I want to...

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Your Inner Critic and Your Relationships

On this week’s episode of the Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast, Joanna talks about how to rewire your automatic thoughts that affect your automatic reactions regarding relationships. She talks about how your Inner Critic takes control of your emotions to make you feel like a victim in relationships.

Here are this week’s reflection questions:

  • Where is your Inner Critic hiding in your relationships with others?
  • What’s the impact of your Inner Critic’s messages on your current relationships with the people who matter the most to you?
  • What expectations of your Inner Critic are you currently listening to?

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How Your Inner Critic Hacks Your Relationship

relationships May 13, 2019

We aren’t taught how to do relationships. In fact, there’s an unspoken belief that we should just know how to do relationships. In this week’s episode of the Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast, Joanna talks in-depth about how your Inner Critic can affect your relationships with others.

Your Inner Critic can wreak havoc by trying to control how someone else acts towards you, and making them responsible towards how you feel. That’s a lot of power to give to someone else! In reality, your thoughts are the only true things that can affect your emotions. That’s why you need to check what your Inner Critic is saying about how others are acting.

Here is this week’s reflection question:

  • Where is the vicious cycle where your Inner Critic causes you to take your love away, showing up in your life?

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People Pleasing and Your Inner Critic

This week on The Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast, Joanna is talking about people pleasing: what it means, why it happens, and how to talk to the people pleaser in yourself to take back control. People pleasing is a huge operating tactic for the Inner Critic, she latches on to the thoughts you may have about upsetting someone and uses those thoughts to control your interactions with others. To transform your life, it’s imperative that you become intimately familiar with these old, automatic, conditioned thoughts that come from your Inner Critic.

Here are this week’s reflection questions:

  • What is the voice inside your head truly saying when you say “yes” to something that you don’t want to do?
  • When was that time in your childhood when your Inner Critic latched on to your feelings of unworthiness?
  • What can you do today to recognize when these conditioned thoughts from your Inner Critic are appearing?

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A Twist On The Golden Rule

life relationships self Mar 28, 2018

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We are all very familiar with the Golden Rule: treat people the way you want to be treated.  But what if you are someone who feels let you down by the way people are treating you?

Here’s a twist on the Golden Rule that people rarely consider:  When the people you love are not treating you the way you want to be treated, perhaps it is because you expect them to give you what you have not learned to give yourself.

When you have not learned to give yourself the love, kindness and compassion that you need, you can become easily triggered by another’s behavior.

For instance, if your Inner Critic frequently speaks to you in disparaging ways, you may become overly reactive to the smallest bit of disrespect from your teenager despite knowing that this behavior is typical of a child this age.  If your Inner Critic makes you feel like you are not valued or important enough, your spouse’s forgetfulness to check in with you...

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3 Ways Your Inner Critic Sabotages Your Romantic Relationships

relationships Feb 06, 2018

Note: This is the first installment in our month-long series about how the Inner Critic meddles in romantic relationships.

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Your Inner Critic can be the opposite of Cupid -- instead of bringing you closer to your partner, it can cause you to act in ways that actually sabotage your relationship, creating pain and distance.  

When your partner says or does something that triggers your Inner Critic, you may believe he or she is behaving this way because you're not loved enough, valued enough or important enough.

When you’re validating and “truthifying” the messages from your Inner Critic, you believe what you’re seeing, which dictates how you feel and act towards your partner. This is how small misunderstandings can turn into huge blow ups.  

When the Inner Critic is in charge of your romantic relationship, love can go out the window. You may react toward your partner with anger, criticism, or even worse, shut down and...

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What Does It Take To Have An Extraordinary Relationship?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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This is what all of our clients want to know. Do we have the answer in ten easy steps? NO. But as relationship experts, we can say here’s the bottom line: To have an extraordinary relationship, you have to be extraordinary.

We’re not talking about being a hero, or a martyr. We’re not talking about being an ascended God or Goddess. We’re talking about going beyond where you normally stop in order to maintain a loving connection with the important people in your life.

Most of us, when we are upset, angry or hurt, tend to forget to look at what we look like when we are reacting. We just let it rip, and give ourselves permission to get ugly in the face, yell or scream, or even worse, give our loved one the cold shoulder for as long as we want.

 

BEING RESPONSIBLE

Being extraordinary means giving up your comfort zone. It means being willing to make a move. It means giving up the need to be right. It means choosing connection...

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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We all have said “I love you” to someone at some point in our lives; to a partner, spouse, lover, child, parent, friend. But, how many of us take the time to really look at what we mean when we say those three “magic” words? Is it a feeling we feel, a thought that we think, a concept that occurs in our mind’s eye?

WHAT IS LOVE?

For our relationships to thrive, I believe that “love” needs to be a way of being that occurs in our actions, not just in words or thoughts. We may feel that we love another, but are we being loving when we interact with them? It may be easy to be loving when we are happy or pleased with them, or when they are showing up the way we want them to be. But, when we are angry, upset, disappointed or hurt does our loving behavior fly out the window?

AWARENESS IS THE KEY

Without being aware of what we are saying and how we are acting, we can give ourselves permission to be hurtful,...

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Soda Cans Can Blow Up

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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Unlike some methods found in traditional relationship counseling, understanding what you’re REALLY upset about is the key to having extraordinary relationships.   

Rather than blaming other people for your reaction, it is important to recognize that it is actually your inner critic that is triggered, telling you that they are behaving this way because you are not loved enough, valued enough, important enough.

THIS IS HOW SODA CANS LEFT ON A COUNTER CAN CAUSE BLOW UP EXPLOSIONS!   

We are never angry at what we think we are angry about. It is always the underlying message that our inner critic is giving us that is responsible for the damaging patterns in our relationships.

Your Inner Critic is the voice in your mind that is constantly talking to you and telling you what you need to improve, where you don’t measure up, and what you need to fix.

Your inner critic tries to have control over your world, and convinces...

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The Real Problem

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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Your Inner Critic is the voice in your mind that is constantly talking to you and telling you what you need to improve, where you don’t measure up, and what you need to fix. Your Inner Critic tries to have control over your world and convinces you that, if you listen to it and do exactly what it says:

  • You will have control.
  • You will be able to get your life to go in the direction that you want it to go.
  • You will get people to treat you the way you want them to.

In our work, we speak with  folks all the time who don’t realize how much of their lives are controlled by our Inner Critic. It’s easy to get automatically sucked into the message of the Inner Critic and then attempt to control the feelings we’re having by fixing or changing the world outside. We think that if “they” can just change their current circumstance, things will be ok.

The real problem is not with the outside world....

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