Why Your Emotional Intelligence Matters More Than Your IQ

 

Can't watch? Here's the transcript: 

Today, I want to talk to you about why emotional intelligence is the most important thing in determining your success in any area of your life and why it matters way more than your IQ. In our culture, we've learned to place a lot of value on success as being the thing that defines our happiness. And we were frequently asked as young children starting at a very young age, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Our education system focuses on getting the right grades so you can get into the right college so that you can get the right job so that you can make the right amount of money. And we worry about money and about success and about accomplishment. Starting at a young age, we try to find the exact path so as to make sure that everything in our life works out.

And this breeds a culture in which depression and anxiety have skyrocketed to unparalleled heights. Some studies even suggest that the average high school student today has the same...

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The Real Reason Why You're Feeling Drained and Overwhelmed

parenting podcast Oct 08, 2019

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners!  I want to share with you how I have completely shifted my entire life by practicing designing my life from the future that I am creating. I am sharing this with you in the hopes that you can begin to notice where YOU are automatically engaged in the same conditioned habits of thinking that are keeping you stuck in your suffering. 

I think most of us would agree that the world that we live in today feels really out of control on so many levels. And it feels to me like more and more of us (and more and more of our kids) are so freaking stressed out, unhappy, overwhelmed. 

The thing I see over and over is that we are so conditioned to look to the circumstances of life to change so that we can FINALLY get the life we want. I was stuck for soooo long and I really didn’t see how stuck I was until recently.

I have been a psychotherapist with a private practice for most of my adult life.  And I really...

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Stop Trying to Find Your Purpose

 

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I often hear from clients that they are searching to find their purpose in life. This is an area where your Inner Critic can go haywire. She tells you that you need to figure out how to live a purposeful life and has you running in circles trying to find the thing that will make you feel complete. She may have been trying to convince you of this for your whole life.

When you are examining the gaps of where you are versus where you want to be, it is imperative that you recognize this habit of your Inner Critic. Because the truth is that you don’t have to figure out how to BE enough. You already are enough. There is nothing to fix, change, or perfect about you and your life. You already ARE good enough.

You are not enough because of anything you do or don’t do. You are already enough because you are alive. Your purpose is being YOU, your Authentic Self. No one else is examining your life to make sure you are good...

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Life Lesson From Grumpy Teenagers and a Family Vacation

parenting podcast Sep 10, 2019

I just got back from a week away with my family.  We went to Acadia National Park in Maine which was truly spectacular and breathtaking!  And we drove there. From New Jersey. All 5 of us. My two teenage boys, 17 and 15, and my tween daughter who is 11. 

Now, I would generally describe all of our family vacations as 80/20--80% awesome and 20% awful. That’s how all of them go. Every. Single. Time.

I know this and remind myself before we go on vacation. But even though I know it intellectually, it doesn’t make it any easier when the 20% awfulness is in full swing.

But here’s what I am doing differently--I am breaking the habit of listening to my Inner Critic's mind chatter that says the same thing over and over, every time the Kleinman family dynamics show up. Because here’s what my mind chatter sounds like:

What’s wrong with them?

Why can’t they be more respectful to each other? Or to me?

How do I fix this?

How do I make them...

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What to Do When You're Overwhelmed

parenting podcast Aug 27, 2019

 

Today I want to talk about what to do when you are overwhelmed. Here is something most people don’t know but (when you get this) it is the secret to life. It has the power to transform almost every aspect of your life.

And here it is: All of what you are feeling comes from your thinking.  Every single feeling you have stems from your thoughts.

When we’re talking about the feeling of overwhelm, we’re really talking about the thoughts that make you feel overwhelmed.  When you are going through your day and your mind is focused on all of the things you have to do: The unanswered emails, the project due at work, the facebook post you saw of your best friend’s vacation that makes her life look so perfect, the pile of laundry that is screaming to be folded or the kids' homework. You have all of these things scrambled in your mind, racing from thing to thing to thing.  

Overwhelm is when your unmanaged thoughts in your mind cause you to...

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How to Design a Life You Love

The heart of the work I do is the MIND Method, which allows you to quickly identify and recognize the thoughts and beliefs you previously thought were you for your whole life. So many of the clients I serve one-on-one or though my group programs have trouble connecting with their authentic selves when they're spinning in those conditioned and habitual thoughts. It's really as transparent as breathing for most of us. 

I developed this method so you can spot the voice of your Inner Critic immediately to stop the habit of listening to it. When we stop this habit of giving energy and attention to it (and thinking that those critical thoughts are you), you can shift these patterns of thinking and design a life you love. 

Meet Your Inner Critic

The first step of this process is meeting your Inner Critic. You need to get familiar with her voice, where she came from and why she's in your mind in the first place. For many of us, these thoughts form very early in our...

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3 Strategies to Ditch The Mom Guilt

parenting Mar 13, 2019

You wanted to take time for yourself. You said you were going to do it. You even marked it on your calendar. But somehow....it didn’t actually happen. (Or worse, you held onto your self-care time and the mom-guilt came along for the ride.)

As a mom, we are used to endless responsibilities. We’re masters at managing multiple moving pieces - all the time. So why does self-care slip through our fingers so easily?

Here’s the simple answer: When you’re chasing the impossible expectations and ideals that come with motherhood, you set yourself up to fall short. And when you’re frustrated with yourself for not measuring up, it’s easy to feel undeserving of self-care.

This all too familiar sequence of events can usually be attributed to our dear, old friend: the Inner Critic.

For the average mom, the role is synonymous with less than 32 minutes of solo time per day, says a recent study.

No wonder that leaves us Mamas lingering an extra luxurious few...

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Are You Parenting From Love or Fear?

parenting Apr 11, 2018

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 Hey Dethroning Tribe!

This weeks message is a special shout out to all you parents out there. As parents, we dream about who our children are going to be, how they might be like us, how they might be different from us, and how we can raise them to be happy and successful in life.  While this dreaming is a normal part of parenthood, many of us wake up one day only to realize that our children are just different than what we expected.  

Because we have expectations of who we want our children to be, and how we want them to behave in their lives, when they don’t fit this picture, we may automatically react from a place of trying to fix or change them to fit our expectations. If we can’t fix or change them, we may feel that we have failed as a parent, or are not doing a good enough job in raising our children. And as our children continue to grow, our fear of messing them up can continue to grow, too. Sound familiar? You are...

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