When Your Inner Critic Rules Your Love Life

podcast relationships Oct 22, 2019


Can't Listen? Here's the transcript: 

Today’s podcast is for those of you who are either looking for a partner in your life or you have a partner in your life and are unfulfilled in the relationship. 

First, I want to talk about how your Inner Critic plays matchmaker in your romantic life. For those of you who are in the dating world, whether you are single and looking for a relationship or you’re divorced, this is super important.

Most people think that the way to find a great relationship is to find someone out there who is really great. But here’s the problem with that--If you have an Inner Critic that is ruling your mind, you are making decisions in your relationship based on your Inner Critic’s deepest beliefs about you, about other people, about relationships, and even about what it is that you really want in a relationship. 

Because not only does your Inner Critic voice tell you who to date, but also who you deserve to date....

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What Do Butterflies and Relationships Have in Common?

podcast relationships Oct 15, 2019

 Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey dethroners!  I have been seeing so many butterflies around me lately--it’s insane! I mean, they fly right up to me while I’m walking. I have seen them come right up to my car window. And one day when I was sitting on a beach, I swear there were at least 10 different times that butterflies flew right up to where I was sitting. 

Now, I tend to look for spiritual meaning in my life, so I did some research about what it means spiritually if you see butterflies all around you. And basically, the spiritual meaning of the butterfly is all about personal growth, transformation, and paying attention to the areas in your life where there is a need for transformation. 

I found this beautiful quote that said, “Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly.” And this quote is SO important in allowing us to remain in a space of calm, peace and surrender as we are dealing with...

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The Real Reason Why You're Feeling Drained and Overwhelmed

parenting podcast Oct 08, 2019

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners!  I want to share with you how I have completely shifted my entire life by practicing designing my life from the future that I am creating. I am sharing this with you in the hopes that you can begin to notice where YOU are automatically engaged in the same conditioned habits of thinking that are keeping you stuck in your suffering. 

I think most of us would agree that the world that we live in today feels really out of control on so many levels. And it feels to me like more and more of us (and more and more of our kids) are so freaking stressed out, unhappy, overwhelmed. 

The thing I see over and over is that we are so conditioned to look to the circumstances of life to change so that we can FINALLY get the life we want. I was stuck for soooo long and I really didn’t see how stuck I was until recently.

I have been a psychotherapist with a private practice for most of my adult life.  And I really...

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Stop Trying to Find Your Purpose


Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

I often hear from clients that they are searching to find their purpose in life. This is an area where your Inner Critic can go haywire. She tells you that you need to figure out how to live a purposeful life and has you running in circles trying to find the thing that will make you feel complete. She may have been trying to convince you of this for your whole life.

When you are examining the gaps of where you are versus where you want to be, it is imperative that you recognize this habit of your Inner Critic. Because the truth is that you don’t have to figure out how to BE enough. You already are enough. There is nothing to fix, change, or perfect about you and your life. You already ARE good enough.

You are not enough because of anything you do or don’t do. You are already enough because you are alive. Your purpose is being YOU, your Authentic Self. No one else is examining your life to make sure you are good...

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The Two Words That Saved My Dad's Life

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Today I want to tell you about two words that I would honestly say have changed the course of my life and most recently created a miracle in my father’s health.  And these two little words are “I AM”.

So first, let me tell you a story. When I was 19 and a sophomore at Syracuse University, I was really struggling emotionally and I couldn’t figure out why. I had friends, my grades were pretty good, I had a boyfriend. Nothing was really wrong.

But looking back, I know that my daily mind chatter focused on either what wasn’t good enough with me or some part of my life. I didn’t see it at the time because I didn’t know anything about managing my mind.

My mind was on autopilot and I was just like a sheep, blindly following my mind wherever it went.

I compared myself to other women.

I worried about how my future would go.

I focused on what I thought other people thought of me.

I struggled with...

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What Kept Me Stuck For Years

Today I want to talk about how stuck I was in my life for so many years (and I really had no idea that I was stuck). I had a really great life--I had three healthy children, a loving husband, and a satisfying career as a psychotherapist. But I never felt really satisfied. I never felt that sense of peace and contentment that I was really craving.

And that is because I spent many years waiting for the circumstances of my life to match the ideal picture that I had in my mind. I spent so much energy focusing on why my private practice as a therapist was sometimes not as busy as I wanted it to be. I was making pretty good money and definitely making a difference in people’s lives. But I knew deep down that I could have a bigger reach and a greater impact. I found myself often frustrated and stuck about how to make this a reality and worried about whether I would ever make my dreams come true to write a book and speak to large audiences. 

I also spent years in...

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Life Lesson From Grumpy Teenagers and a Family Vacation

parenting podcast Sep 10, 2019

I just got back from a week away with my family.  We went to Acadia National Park in Maine which was truly spectacular and breathtaking!  And we drove there. From New Jersey. All 5 of us. My two teenage boys, 17 and 15, and my tween daughter who is 11. 

Now, I would generally describe all of our family vacations as 80/20--80% awesome and 20% awful. That’s how all of them go. Every. Single. Time.

I know this and remind myself before we go on vacation. But even though I know it intellectually, it doesn’t make it any easier when the 20% awfulness is in full swing.

But here’s what I am doing differently--I am breaking the habit of listening to my Inner Critic's mind chatter that says the same thing over and over, every time the Kleinman family dynamics show up. Because here’s what my mind chatter sounds like:

What’s wrong with them?

Why can’t they be more respectful to each other? Or to me?

How do I fix this?

How do I make them...

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Your Blind Spots

Today I want to talk about blind spots. Those are the parts of our lives where we are completely blind to what is keeping us stuck.  It’s the parts of ourselves that we don’t even know, that we don’t know. We are often blind to the thoughts that make us feel badly.  Examining those blind spots allows you to see where you have been engaging in certain habits that don’t serve you.  

Because much of what keeps bad habits in place are blind spots.  Said a different way-- how many times have you set an intention to break a bad habit?  Think about overeating at night or when you’re bored or overspending (Retail therapy anyone?) Or how about yelling at your partner or children only to regret it moments later? You set the intention and may start off strong with breaking the habit..a day, two days, 1 week, 3 weeks… but soon enough, you find yourself returning right back to that bad habit and wondering what gives??  Will...

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What to Do When You're Overwhelmed

parenting podcast Aug 27, 2019


Today I want to talk about what to do when you are overwhelmed. Here is something most people don’t know but (when you get this) it is the secret to life. It has the power to transform almost every aspect of your life.

And here it is: All of what you are feeling comes from your thinking.  Every single feeling you have stems from your thoughts.

When we’re talking about the feeling of overwhelm, we’re really talking about the thoughts that make you feel overwhelmed.  When you are going through your day and your mind is focused on all of the things you have to do: The unanswered emails, the project due at work, the facebook post you saw of your best friend’s vacation that makes her life look so perfect, the pile of laundry that is screaming to be folded or the kids' homework. You have all of these things scrambled in your mind, racing from thing to thing to thing.  

Overwhelm is when your unmanaged thoughts in your mind cause you to...

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How I Personally Cope With Shame


Today, I want to talk about shame. It's something that I am very familiar with in my own life. In fact, many people struggle with shame and don’t even realize that is what they are dealing with. We grow accustomed to listening to the incessant chatter of the voice in our head, the voice I call the Inner Critic.

When I talk about shame, I'm not talking about anyone actually DOING anything wrong. I'm talking about the FEELING and the thoughts that we are somehow wrong, defective, inadequate, not good enough, or not strong enough. Everyone feels shame, but most of us don’t recognize the forms that shame can come in. For instance:

  • Shyness is shame in the presence of a stranger
  • Self-doubt is shame about a possible failure
  • Embarrassment is shame in front of others
  • Self-consciousness is shame about how you are perceived
  • Feeling not good enough is all-encompassing shame about yourself

Our Inner Critic triggers shame by whipping up habitual thoughts that...

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