A Twist On The Golden Rule

life relationships self Mar 28, 2018

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We are all very familiar with the Golden Rule: treat people the way you want to be treated.  But what if you are someone who feels let you down by the way people are treating you?

Here’s a twist on the Golden Rule that people rarely consider:  When the people you love are not treating you the way you want to be treated, perhaps it is because you expect them to give you what you have not learned to give yourself.

When you have not learned to give yourself the love, kindness and compassion that you need, you can become easily triggered by another’s behavior.

For instance, if your Inner Critic frequently speaks to you in disparaging ways, you may become overly reactive to the smallest bit of disrespect from your teenager despite knowing that this behavior is typical of a child this age.  If your Inner Critic makes you feel like you are not valued or important enough, your spouse’s forgetfulness to check in with you...

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Are You Sleepwalking Through Life?

life Mar 21, 2018

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Are You Sleepwalking Through Life?


Many of us unknowingly sleepwalk through our lives. We have repetitive thoughts that play on a continuous loop.  We listen to the same worries, the same negative beliefs, regrets, “what ifs” and shoulds' and shouldn’ts day in and day out.  When we sleepwalk through life, we become stuck, dissatisfied and unable to see possibility for ourselves.


Does this sound familiar to you?  We have good news! It doesn’t have to be this way.  


“Waking up” to your life takes intention, commitment and consistency.  Taking on a daily practice of reflecting on your thoughts, even if for 5 minutes a day, can break-up your sleepwalking habit causing you to be more awake and alive.  


Here are some targeted questions we encourage our clients to ask themselves during reflection.  We invite you to take them on daily for a few weeks and then let us know what you begin...

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The Moment You Decided YOU Are The Problem

body Mar 14, 2018

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Happy March, Dethroning Tribe!


This month we are taking a deep dive into the connection between our Inner Critic and the way we treat our body.   


What many don’t recognize is that our relationship to food and the way we treat our body is a direct reflection of our deepest held thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, which we very often push away rather than take the time to reflect upon.  


You see, these deeply held thoughts and beliefs began when we were very young.  When we were young children, we were simply pure love. We had no concern with what others thought, and danced and sang at the top of our lungs like no one was watching!  


But then, something happened.  It’s the moment we got hurt, embarrassed, or in some way felt like we weren’t okay.  We ALL had a moment like this.  And it is from this moment that our Inner Critic is first born.  Your Inner Critic voice decided that...

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Want a Healthy Body Image? Food and Exercise are NOT the Solution

body Mar 07, 2018

 

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A recent Weight Watchers study revealed that as many as 75% of women dislike their bodies. This research also revealed that body shame was a prevalent theme, and greatly impacted the quality of their relationships with their partner. This percentage is truly staggering!!   How did this happen that we live in a culture that is rampant with body loathing and shame, eating disorders, and issues with anxiety and depression that are weight and body related?

  

So many women treat their bodies with harshness, shame and disrespect.  They relate to food as though there is “good” food and “bad” food, and then feel shame every time they eat something that’s on the bad list. There are women who eat while on auto pilot, and are numbing their shame, fear, sadness and loneliness with food.  There are women who push themselves to the limits with exercise, spending hours and hours training for...

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Who’s Really in the Driver’s Seat of Your Relationship?

relationships Feb 14, 2018

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Living from your Inner Critic in your romantic relationship will have you looking for what’s wrong, broken and isn’t working rather than what’s right, good and already working.

On this day of love, you have the opportunity to make a choice about how you want to keep your relationship. 

Your Inner Critic convinces you something is wrong with you and your relationship -- even in the most benign situations. When your partner leaves wet towels on the bathroom floor, it can make you feel like what’s important to you doesn’t matter to him or her.

This leads to a choice: Do you want to keep looking at your relationship through the lens of your Inner Critic, or do you want to search for all that’s right? 

One automatic behavior of your Inner Critic is called a comparison hold, when your Inner Critic compares your partner to a standard that may not be based in reality.

As an example: Your partner didn’t bring...

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3 Ways Your Inner Critic Sabotages Your Romantic Relationships

relationships Feb 06, 2018

Note: This is the first installment in our month-long series about how the Inner Critic meddles in romantic relationships.

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Your Inner Critic can be the opposite of Cupid -- instead of bringing you closer to your partner, it can cause you to act in ways that actually sabotage your relationship, creating pain and distance.  

When your partner says or does something that triggers your Inner Critic, you may believe he or she is behaving this way because you're not loved enough, valued enough or important enough.

When you’re validating and “truthifying” the messages from your Inner Critic, you believe what you’re seeing, which dictates how you feel and act towards your partner. This is how small misunderstandings can turn into huge blow ups.  

When the Inner Critic is in charge of your romantic relationship, love can go out the window. You may react toward your partner with anger, criticism, or even worse, shut down and...

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How to Stop Overanalyzing Your Life

career self Jan 23, 2018

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Yesterday, we talked with a new client, a senior level executive with years of experience as a leader, a history of promotions and ample accolades.  

In each discussion we have with her, we become more present to her greatness. But we also feel heartbroken to hear how loud her Inner Critic is judging, assessing and chattering negative messages.

“You’re obsolete.”

“You’ll never find that dream job.”

“The great years of your professional life are over.”

Unfortunately, this is a familiar conversation to us. Many of our clients find themselves in a place where they’re unable to take action.

They analyze and overanalyze what they should or actually say.

For many of us, our Inner Critic’s messages sabotage us and keep us stuck, saying some variation of:

“I don’t feel like I’m ready. I don’t have what it takes.”

“I’m not going to do it perfectly, so I...

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How Well Do You Know Your Authentic Self?

life self Jan 18, 2018

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Yesterday morning, we got a surprise quote via text summing up our work with accessing your Authentic Self and dethroning your Inner Critic:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

The quote originally comes from James Neil Hollingworth, a writer and free spirit who wrote under the pseudonym Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon.

This quote made us think: If you don’t take the time to access the voice of your Authentic Self, the fear from the Inner Critic rules your life.

But what if you don’t even know what your Authentic Self sounds like?

That you wouldn’t recognize it if you heard it out loud?

That if someone said, “Here, this is your Authentic Self,” you’d say, “Who’s this?”

You may not be on a first-name basis with your Authentic Self because you’re buried under the noise of your Inner Critic.

If we had a penny...

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Reinventing Your Relationship To Your Career

career Jan 03, 2018

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Are you unhappy in your job?  Feeling stuck?  Bored?  Do you find yourself fantasizing about making a move?

Many of our clients answer “yes” to these questions.  They see their happiness and fulfillment as being one job move away.  What we find is that those who are feeling stuck and bored in their current job may have actually felt stuck and bored in their past job(s).  This points to a habitual pattern in the way they think about their career, and may even be a habitual pattern of thinking that affects other areas of their lives as well.  We call this habitual way of thinking the voice of our Inner Critic.  And this voice, left unaddressed, can create a  pattern of dissatisfaction that will repeat itself.  So, before you set out in search of greener pastures to find fulfillment, consider bringing awareness to automatic thoughts of your Inner Critic.  Bringing awareness to this...

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What Does It Take To Have An Extraordinary Relationship?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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This is what all of our clients want to know. Do we have the answer in ten easy steps? NO. But as relationship experts, we can say here’s the bottom line: To have an extraordinary relationship, you have to be extraordinary.

We’re not talking about being a hero, or a martyr. We’re not talking about being an ascended God or Goddess. We’re talking about going beyond where you normally stop in order to maintain a loving connection with the important people in your life.

Most of us, when we are upset, angry or hurt, tend to forget to look at what we look like when we are reacting. We just let it rip, and give ourselves permission to get ugly in the face, yell or scream, or even worse, give our loved one the cold shoulder for as long as we want.

 

BEING RESPONSIBLE

Being extraordinary means giving up your comfort zone. It means being willing to make a move. It means giving up the need to be right. It means choosing connection...

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