How Well Do You Know Your Authentic Self?

life self Jan 18, 2018

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Yesterday morning, we got a surprise quote via text summing up our work with accessing your Authentic Self and dethroning your Inner Critic:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

The quote originally comes from James Neil Hollingworth, a writer and free spirit who wrote under the pseudonym Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon.

This quote made us think: If you don’t take the time to access the voice of your Authentic Self, the fear from the Inner Critic rules your life.

But what if you don’t even know what your Authentic Self sounds like?

That you wouldn’t recognize it if you heard it out loud?

That if someone said, “Here, this is your Authentic Self,” you’d say, “Who’s this?”

You may not be on a first-name basis with your Authentic Self because you’re buried under the noise of your Inner Critic.

If we had a penny...

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Reinventing Your Relationship To Your Career

career Jan 03, 2018

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Are you unhappy in your job?  Feeling stuck?  Bored?  Do you find yourself fantasizing about making a move?

Many of our clients answer “yes” to these questions.  They see their happiness and fulfillment as being one job move away.  What we find is that those who are feeling stuck and bored in their current job may have actually felt stuck and bored in their past job(s).  This points to a habitual pattern in the way they think about their career, and may even be a habitual pattern of thinking that affects other areas of their lives as well.  We call this habitual way of thinking the voice of our Inner Critic.  And this voice, left unaddressed, can create a  pattern of dissatisfaction that will repeat itself.  So, before you set out in search of greener pastures to find fulfillment, consider bringing awareness to automatic thoughts of your Inner Critic.  Bringing awareness to this...

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What Does It Take To Have An Extraordinary Relationship?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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This is what all of our clients want to know. Do we have the answer in ten easy steps? NO. But as relationship experts, we can say here’s the bottom line: To have an extraordinary relationship, you have to be extraordinary.

We’re not talking about being a hero, or a martyr. We’re not talking about being an ascended God or Goddess. We’re talking about going beyond where you normally stop in order to maintain a loving connection with the important people in your life.

Most of us, when we are upset, angry or hurt, tend to forget to look at what we look like when we are reacting. We just let it rip, and give ourselves permission to get ugly in the face, yell or scream, or even worse, give our loved one the cold shoulder for as long as we want.

 

BEING RESPONSIBLE

Being extraordinary means giving up your comfort zone. It means being willing to make a move. It means giving up the need to be right. It means choosing connection...

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Your Relationship With Yourself

self Oct 25, 2017

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Many of us never really think about what having a relationship with yourself really means. However, it is the key to everything we truly want in life; the key to peace, joy, contentment, love, and connection. Often we are not aware that it is our automatic thoughts about ourselves and of life that robs us of the very things that we are striving to attain. We often think that the way we can attain love, peace, joy, contentment, happiness, is by perfecting the “content” of our lives. If we get the “right” job, the “right” amount of money, weigh the “right” amount, be in the “right” relationship, we will find what we are looking for. The longer we pursue these goals as a means of attaining happiness, the more we recognize that the feeling of happiness or peace when the goal is met never lasts long.

THE HAMSTER ON THE HAMSTER-WHEEL

The minute we achieve a goal, we are onto the next, thinking...

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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We all have said “I love you” to someone at some point in our lives; to a partner, spouse, lover, child, parent, friend. But, how many of us take the time to really look at what we mean when we say those three “magic” words? Is it a feeling we feel, a thought that we think, a concept that occurs in our mind’s eye?

WHAT IS LOVE?

For our relationships to thrive, I believe that “love” needs to be a way of being that occurs in our actions, not just in words or thoughts. We may feel that we love another, but are we being loving when we interact with them? It may be easy to be loving when we are happy or pleased with them, or when they are showing up the way we want them to be. But, when we are angry, upset, disappointed or hurt does our loving behavior fly out the window?

AWARENESS IS THE KEY

Without being aware of what we are saying and how we are acting, we can give ourselves permission to be hurtful,...

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Anger Management

anger Oct 25, 2017

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Many people who we see in our practice struggle with anger.   Anger at their spouses, anger at their parents, anger at their children, anger at their partners, anger at their bosses, anger at their friends. They come in feeling very justified in their anger, and seek ways to change the other person so that they can feel less angry.

THE REAL SOURCE OF ANGER

Anger over time turns into chronic resentment, which then affects the dynamics of their relationships, not to mention their overall mood. What most of us do not see is that much of our anger has its source in unfulfilled expectations.

A SET UP FOR PROBLEMS
When we expect our kids to be better behaved, our partners to be less self centered, our bosses to be more appreciative, our parents to be more supportive, or our friends to be more thoughtful, we don’t realize that we are setting ourselves up to be disappointed at best, and downright angry at worst, because they don’t fit our...

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Messages The Inner Critic Sends

self Oct 25, 2017

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Through our work with hundreds of clients, we have discovered a theme.  This theme is that most of us derive our sense of self comes from the messages of our Inner Critic. We believe the messages of our Inner Critic, even when life gives us no evidence.  Even when life gives us a totally opposite message, in fact!

If our Inner Critic tells us that we are not good enough no matter how many people love us, no matter how much success we have had in our live, no matter how many compliments we have received, we only listen to what our Inner Critic says.

We think we hear those positive things about ourselves because we have “fooled” the ones we love. If they REALLY knew us the way we “know” ourselves, they would see what we know to be true. But, thus far, we have fooled them. What great con artists we all are! What if others actually see us for who we REALLY are?

What if who we think we are, our self concept, is really...

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Learning To Be Free Of Manipulations

self Oct 25, 2017

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Learning to separate yourself from your Inner Critic and let go of the automatic attempt to fix or control and instead very consciously choosing love and connection to your true self – without the interference of your Inner Critic – is a key step to an extraordinary relationship.

The greatest gift you can give to your relationships is to learn to be free from the damaging messages of your Inner Critic. Your Inner critic is constantly evaluating and judging you, your life, your partner, and your relationships. When your Inner Critic is in charge, it tries to control other people and the dynamics in the relationship so that things fit your Inner Critic’s ideal picture. Of course, in trying to do that, at any given moment, your partner can do or say something that causes distress inside you as soon as that ideal picture is not met. Our Inner Critic creates fear and insecurity because:

  • Your partner is not behaving the...
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Soda Cans Can Blow Up

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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Unlike some methods found in traditional relationship counseling understanding what you’re REALLY upset about is the key to having extraordinary relationships.   

Rather than blaming other people for your reaction, it is important to recognize that it is actually your inner critic that is triggered, telling you that they are behaving this way because you are not loved enough, valued enough, important enough.

THIS IS HOW SODA CANS LEFT ON A COUNTER CAN CAUSE BLOW UP EXPLOSIONS!   

We are never angry at what we think we are angry about. It is always the underlying message that our inner critic is giving us that is responsible for the damaging patterns in our relationships.

Your Inner Critic is the voice in your mind that is constantly talking to you and telling you what you need to improve, where you don’t measure up, and what you need to fix.

Your inner critic tries to have control over your world, and convinces...

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The Real Problem

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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Your Inner Critic is the voice in your mind that is constantly talking to you and telling you what you need to improve, where you don’t measure up, and what you need to fix. Your Inner Critic tries to have control over your world and convinces you that, if you listen to it and do exactly what it says:

  • You will have control.
  • You will be able to get your life to go in the direction that you want it to go.
  • You will get people to treat you the way you want them to.

In our work, we speak with  folks all the time who don’t realize how much of their lives are controlled by our Inner Critic. It’s easy to get automatically sucked into the message of the Inner Critic and then attempt to control the feelings we’re having by fixing or changing the world outside. We think that if “they” can just change their current circumstance, things will be ok.

The real problem is not with the outside world....

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