Is Your Inner Critic Being a B*$ch about Spring?

Now that it’s Spring, we’re putting away our winter coats. The daffodils are out, the sun is shining, and the days are longer. Many of us feel the pull to spend more time outside, clear away the cutter in our homes, or maybe take on a new eating or exercise routine.

For others, the change of the season is just another reason for their Inner Critic to hyper-focus on what is missing in their life. The newness of Spring is another reminder that someone else is happier. (And if you need proof, just take a look at your Instagram feed!)

When it feels like life is better for your Facebook friends on the beach for Spring break, your Inner Critic is jumping straight into the “shoulding”. She’s saying, “It’s Spring. Everyone loves Spring. You should too. You’re supposed to be happy! Everyone else is!”

Does any of this sound familiar? You’re not alone.

Here’s the thing: When your Inner Critic is triggered by the newness of...

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A Twist On The Golden Rule

life relationships self Mar 28, 2018

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We are all very familiar with the Golden Rule: treat people the way you want to be treated.  But what if you are someone who feels let you down by the way people are treating you?

Here’s a twist on the Golden Rule that people rarely consider:  When the people you love are not treating you the way you want to be treated, perhaps it is because you expect them to give you what you have not learned to give yourself.

When you have not learned to give yourself the love, kindness and compassion that you need, you can become easily triggered by another’s behavior.

For instance, if your Inner Critic frequently speaks to you in disparaging ways, you may become overly reactive to the smallest bit of disrespect from your teenager despite knowing that this behavior is typical of a child this age.  If your Inner Critic makes you feel like you are not valued or important enough, your spouse’s forgetfulness to check in with you...

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Are You Sleepwalking Through Life?

life Mar 21, 2018

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Are You Sleepwalking Through Life?


Many of us unknowingly sleepwalk through our lives. We have repetitive thoughts that play on a continuous loop.  We listen to the same worries, the same negative beliefs, regrets, “what ifs” and shoulds' and shouldn’ts day in and day out.  When we sleepwalk through life, we become stuck, dissatisfied and unable to see possibility for ourselves.


Does this sound familiar to you?  We have good news! It doesn’t have to be this way.  


“Waking up” to your life takes intention, commitment and consistency.  Taking on a daily practice of reflecting on your thoughts, even if for 5 minutes a day, can break-up your sleepwalking habit causing you to be more awake and alive.  


Here are some targeted questions we encourage our clients to ask themselves during reflection.  We invite you to take them on daily for a few weeks and then let us know what you begin...

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The Moment You Decided YOU Are The Problem

body Mar 14, 2018

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Happy March, Dethroning Tribe!


This month we are taking a deep dive into the connection between our Inner Critic and the way we treat our body.   


What many don’t recognize is that our relationship to food and the way we treat our body is a direct reflection of our deepest held thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, which we very often push away rather than take the time to reflect upon.  


You see, these deeply held thoughts and beliefs began when we were very young.  When we were young children, we were simply pure love. We had no concern with what others thought, and danced and sang at the top of our lungs like no one was watching!  


But then, something happened.  It’s the moment we got hurt, embarrassed, or in some way felt like we weren’t okay.  We ALL had a moment like this.  And it is from this moment that our Inner Critic is first born.  Your Inner Critic voice decided that...

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What to Do the Next Time You're Stressed About Your Weight

body Mar 07, 2018

How many times have you labeled food as “good” or “bad”? (We’ve all done it, right?)

In my work as a psychotherapist, I see so many women who feel shame every time they eat something on their bad list. Or there are the women who eat while on autopilot who are numbing their shame, fear, and sadness with food. Even exercise can be a way for us to run from our emotions.

I have yet to meet a woman who cherishes her body and treats it with love and kindness.

It’s no surprise that a recent Weight Watchers study found that as many as 75% of women dislike their bodies. As a result, the women surveyed were more likely to feel shame about their appearance and problems in their relationships.

And yet what many of us still believe is that the way out of this mess is to just “eat healthier” and “exercise”.

Don’t get me wrong--I’m all in favor of eating nourishing food and moving your body to stay strong, healthy, and...

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3 Ways Your Inner Critic Sabotages Your Romantic Relationships

relationships Feb 06, 2018

Note: This is the first installment in our month-long series about how the Inner Critic meddles in romantic relationships.

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Your Inner Critic can be the opposite of Cupid -- instead of bringing you closer to your partner, it can cause you to act in ways that actually sabotage your relationship, creating pain and distance.  

When your partner says or does something that triggers your Inner Critic, you may believe he or she is behaving this way because you're not loved enough, valued enough or important enough.

When you’re validating and “truthifying” the messages from your Inner Critic, you believe what you’re seeing, which dictates how you feel and act towards your partner. This is how small misunderstandings can turn into huge blow ups.  

When the Inner Critic is in charge of your romantic relationship, love can go out the window. You may react toward your partner with anger, criticism, or even worse, shut down and...

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How to Stop Overanalyzing Your Life

career self Jan 23, 2018

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Yesterday, we talked with a new client, a senior level executive with years of experience as a leader, a history of promotions and ample accolades.  

In each discussion we have with her, we become more present to her greatness. But we also feel heartbroken to hear how loud her Inner Critic is judging, assessing and chattering negative messages.

“You’re obsolete.”

“You’ll never find that dream job.”

“The great years of your professional life are over.”

Unfortunately, this is a familiar conversation to us. Many of our clients find themselves in a place where they’re unable to take action.

They analyze and overanalyze what they should or actually say.

For many of us, our Inner Critic’s messages sabotage us and keep us stuck, saying some variation of:

“I don’t feel like I’m ready. I don’t have what it takes.”

“I’m not going to do it perfectly, so I...

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How Well Do You Know Your Authentic Self?

authentic self Jan 18, 2018

This morning, we got a text from a client that perfectly sums up the process of moving past the limiting voice of your Inner Critic. It was a quote from James Neil Hollingsworth:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”

Take a second to let that sink in. Our Inner Critics are fuelled by the fear that we carry around with us. If you don’t take the time to access the voice of your Authentic Self, the fear that your Inner Critic perpetuates rules your life.

But what if you don’t even know what your Authentic Self actually sounds like? If we had a penny for every client we work with who didn’t recognize the voice of their own inner wisdom, we’d have a LOT of pennies.

And we get it--it’s difficult to realize that the voice you’ve been listening to your whole life may not even be you. So many of us are not on a first-name basis with our Authentic Self because we’re...

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Reinventing Your Relationship To Your Career

career Jan 03, 2018

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Are you unhappy in your job?  Feeling stuck?  Bored?  Do you find yourself fantasizing about making a move?

Many of our clients answer “yes” to these questions.  They see their happiness and fulfillment as being one job move away.  What we find is that those who are feeling stuck and bored in their current job may have actually felt stuck and bored in their past job(s).  This points to a habitual pattern in the way they think about their career, and may even be a habitual pattern of thinking that affects other areas of their lives as well.  We call this habitual way of thinking the voice of our Inner Critic.  And this voice, left unaddressed, can create a  pattern of dissatisfaction that will repeat itself.  So, before you set out in search of greener pastures to find fulfillment, consider bringing awareness to automatic thoughts of your Inner Critic.  Bringing awareness to this...

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What Does It Take To Have An Extraordinary Relationship?

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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This is what all of our clients want to know. Do we have the answer in ten easy steps? NO. But as relationship experts, we can say here’s the bottom line: To have an extraordinary relationship, you have to be extraordinary.

We’re not talking about being a hero, or a martyr. We’re not talking about being an ascended God or Goddess. We’re talking about going beyond where you normally stop in order to maintain a loving connection with the important people in your life.

Most of us, when we are upset, angry or hurt, tend to forget to look at what we look like when we are reacting. We just let it rip, and give ourselves permission to get ugly in the face, yell or scream, or even worse, give our loved one the cold shoulder for as long as we want.

 

BEING RESPONSIBLE

Being extraordinary means giving up your comfort zone. It means being willing to make a move. It means giving up the need to be right. It means choosing connection...

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