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How to Emotionally Accept the Unacceptable

podcast Mar 17, 2020

Hey Dethroners!  Today I am talking about how to get your emotions in check when you are dealing with something that is unacceptable to you. 

I have been working with people for over 25 years so that’s a whole lotta people I have worked with! Thousands at this point so I have a lot of insight about why humans suffer. 

At the heart of why we suffer really boils down to our attachments and demands to the way your life is supposed to be. This is what I call your Inner Critic’s addictions. So in the thousands of people I have worked with, whether it’s a private client, a corporate group, or someone in my Mastering Your Mind course, when they first begin to tap into what their Inner Critic has been demanding and attached to they think their addiction is one thing, but come to realize it is something else entirely.

Most people are not aware of what their Inner Critic’s deeper demands are. So let me give you an example: I was working with a...

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How to Become a Thought Connoisseur

podcast Mar 10, 2020

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners!  Today I want to talk about one of the greatest superpowers that comes from dethroning your Inner Critic: To become a thought connoisseur.

For most people, life is a battleground, where their Inner Critic’s are constantly fighting to either protect us from pain, or prove that we are worthy.  And when we don’t see this, we are never internally at peace. Our minds are racing from one thought to the next because our Inner Critic has a lot of demands about who we are supposed to be and the lives we are supposed to be living, and how we are going to make sure that those demands are fulfilled. 

That is because your Inner Critic thinks that meeting those demands is what will make you feel good enough, content, happy. But it actually does the exact opposite for your automatic mind to focus on where you aren’t good enough, what you need to change, and how to protect yourself from situations that...

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Do You Have Toxic Expectations?

podcast Mar 03, 2020

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners!  Today I want to talk about how our Inner Critic’s expectations are really at the heart of all of our suffering.    

I do this work on a daily basis in my own life and as I coach all of my one on one and Mastering Your Mind clients because my Inner Critic’s demands of how I should be, other people should be (and how my life should be) caused me to stay in a cycle of stress, overwhelm, burnout and dissatisfaction.  And this is the way most people operate in their lives.

They live a white knuckle life, waiting for the day that all of their ideal pictures and expectations can be met and then they can be happy. I do this work because I know that there is a much better way to live and the more people who know how to master their minds, the better our whole world will be.

For me, it has been a lifelong pursuit of learning how to master my own mind, and that is at the heart of every...

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Your Step By Step Guide to Rewire a New Mind

podcast Feb 25, 2020

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners!  Today I want to walk you through, step by step how to rewire a new mind.  Whether I am working with a man or woman individually, or together as a couple, or I am working with a group in my Mastering Your Mind program, the goal of Dethroning Your Inner Critic is always the same: To rewire a new mind using intentional thoughts, so that you can emotionally reprogram your inner life.

The methods might be different depending on who I am working with, but that is always the goal of DYIC… to feel joy, contentment, fulfillment, love and peace right now, instead of trying to fix, change, control or perfect some part of ourselves or our lives so that we can feel how we want to feel. 

Remember, your Inner Critic literally sucks the life out of you by trying to control or manage the circumstances of life so that it will fit her ideal pictures. This is your Inner Critic’s goal. Your Inner Critic says,...

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Everyone You Meet is Your Mirror

podcast Feb 18, 2020

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners!  In my private work with my clients, and in my Mastering Your Mind programs, I talk a lot about what our Inner Critic is addicted to.  These are all the things our Inner Critic says we MUST have so that we can be happy.

So when you begin to examine your automatic mind, that is the mind that is controlled by our Inner Critic, we can see that the automatic thoughts are always connected with what we want.  We want to feel successful. We want to be liked by others. We want to be prosperous. We want to feel attractive. Whatever it is you want, consider that the only reason you want it is because you think it will make you feel a particular way. Even if you want something like world peace, which is a great thing to want, you want it because it will make you feel the way you want to feel. 

As a mom, I want my kids to be happy. Why? Because if they are happy it will make me feel happy because I will feel...

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The ONE Thing That Will Transform All of Your Relationships

podcast relationships Feb 11, 2020

Hey Dethroners!  I have spent the last 25 years supporting people in living meaningful, fulfilling and abundant lives.  That is truly my life’s passion, because I have been on a non stop journey to feel the best I can possibly feel. 

And the ONLY thing that really determines our experience of living a meaningful life, is the quality of our relationships. 

The quality of our relationships is what determines the quality of our life. That fact is undisputed. But most people think that good relationships are a matter of finding good quality people to connect with. Nothing can bring us more joy to life than wonderfully fulfilling relationships. And, of course, nothing can bring us as much pain as unhealthy relationships.  

We define healthy relationships as the relationships that make us feel good.  When we feel loved, accepted, validated, supported, we label that as a healthy relationship.  And when we feel criticized, judged, unaccepted,...

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How to Become a Different Human

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners!  Little by little, step by step, I am completely rewiring an entirely new mind every day. 

How am I doing this you ask? Well, I am bringing a moment to moment awareness to the voice of my Inner Critic, and all of my Inner Critic’s demands and expectations about how I am supposed to be, how my life is supposed to be, and how my future is supposed to be.  

I am sitting back and paying very close attention to her voice. I am watching her attachment to security and her discomfort with the unknown. I am realizing that my Inner Critic’s NEED for security, predictability and control has been with me for my whole life.  I am coming face to face with just how much time and energy I have wasted throughout my life, focused on trying to get my life to match my Inner Critic’s ideal pictures. 

I am recognizing that I have wasted a ton of emotional energy in the form of worry, discontent and...

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I Had No Idea I Was a Control Freak!

podcast Jan 28, 2020

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners!  As I go deeper into the work of Dethroning my Inner Critic, I learn more and more about how my Inner Critic has literally been trying to perfect and control everything and everyone in my life. I never even knew how much I was trying to control! For so long, I thought that was the way you had a great life!

Because this is the world we live in: Almost everyone is under the illusion that the way to attain the peace, joy, contentment and happiness is to make sure that your life fits your pictures about the way that it is supposed to be. Find the right soul mate, have the right career, weigh the right amount, make the right amount of money, have your kids turn out the right way, have the right friends, take the right vacations.

I am exhausted just talking about all these things! I was drinking the koolade for so long! So the set up for decades was that I just had to keep trying to force life to fit my picture.

And...

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What is Insecurity, REALLY?

podcast relationships Jan 21, 2020

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Today, I want to address insecurity.  Most people have designed their lives in an attempt to feel most secure. Security is a basic human need, and for all of us, we start figuring out how to feel secure in infancy!  There is always a point in our early life where we perceive something happening as a threat to our security. 

You may or may not remember a specific incident or event that made you first feel like your security was threatened but no human being escapes this. And this is the beginning of our quest to control how our life goes so we can feel secure. 

Think about this in your own life. What makes you feel most secure? What makes you feel insecure? Why is it that some people feel secure while they are living paycheck to paycheck, while someone else might feel insecure even with millions of dollars in their bank account? 

Most of us don’t realize how much time we spend trying to get our lives to fit...

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My Inner Critic's Addiction to Being Loved

podcast relationships Jan 14, 2020

 Can't listen? Here's the transcript!

I want to talk about how our addictions of thinking destroy our happiness. Our Inner Critic is the voice in our mind that is our automatic computer programming in our mind that triggers all of our uncomfortable emotional responses if some circumstance in our life or some person in our life doesn’t match our Inner Critic’s expectation of what it should be.

So if our desire isn’t fulfilled, we react emotionally in automatic ways that manifest in feelings like anger, worry, anxiety, jealousy or fear just to name a few. And there are other parts of our life that we avoid entirely so that we won’t risk automatic feelings of rejection, inadequacy, failure, or in some way feeling not good enough.

Sometimes people don’t even realize when they are avoiding taking action. This week, I was working with an executive who is seeking a new position and was sending out emails to find his new position, only to feel...

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