How Your Inner Critic Whips Up Drama

podcast Jan 31, 2019

Today, Joanna is getting real about the constant, incessant mind chatter that our Inner Critic gives up every day.

Here are your reflection questions for the week:

  • What life goals are keeping your Inner Critic on her hamster wheel?
  • What is your Inner Critic’s theme song?
  • What would happen if you were able to react to those you care about from a place of love and connection?

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The Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast Episode 002: Ellyn Mantell

podcast Jul 31, 2018

On this episode of the Dethroning Your Inner Critic podcast, we’re talking to Emily’s mother Ellyn Mantell. She is an Ostomy coach and mentor as well as a motivational speaker. We’re diving deep into what it means to face life-threatening illness and overcoming the limiting voice of our Inner Critic so we can model authentic living to our children.

In this episode, we’re chatting about:

  • How Ellyn’s Inner Critic tried to be “better” than everyone else’s Inner Critic
  • Why helping other people can be the key to helping us dethrone our Inner Critics
  • What happens when we choose to not let health obstacles stand in our way
  • The example our mothers set for us help us understand our truth
  • You will have a better life when you admit that you’re human
  • When we’re real with the world, our children will be able to do the same
  • We become an action or reaction to our experiences

Key Takeaways:

“I started seeing my daughters...

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The Power of Community

community Jun 13, 2018

The reports of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have precipitated numerous conversations on social media as well as in family living rooms. This is so remarkable because these conversations are rarely held in public.

People who may be prone to thinking about suicide are those who have a strong ability to live in denial and cover up what they are experiencing internally.  They often put on a façade and enroll the world into believing that they are fine, while hiding the pain they are really experiencing.

We live in a culture that encourages pretense.  We pretend that everything is fine and good so that we can post happy images on social media and look like our lives our problem free.  We have ordinary conversations about emotional issues; relating to emotional pain as something to hide, something we are ashamed of. If these conversations occur at all, they are usually spoken to a therapist, or coach, or to certain close friends.

For someone who is...

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Are You Parenting From Love or Fear?

parenting Apr 11, 2018

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 Hey Dethroning Tribe!

This weeks message is a special shout out to all you parents out there. As parents, we dream about who our children are going to be, how they might be like us, how they might be different from us, and how we can raise them to be happy and successful in life.  While this dreaming is a normal part of parenthood, many of us wake up one day only to realize that our children are just different than what we expected.  

Because we have expectations of who we want our children to be, and how we want them to behave in their lives, when they don’t fit this picture, we may automatically react from a place of trying to fix or change them to fit our expectations. If we can’t fix or change them, we may feel that we have failed as a parent, or are not doing a good enough job in raising our children. And as our children continue to grow, our fear of messing them up can continue to grow, too. Sound familiar? You are...

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Is Your Inner Critic Being a B*$ch about Spring?

Now that it’s Spring, we’re putting away our winter coats. The daffodils are out, the sun is shining, and the days are longer. Many of us feel the pull to spend more time outside, clear away the cutter in our homes, or maybe take on a new eating or exercise routine.

For others, the change of the season is just another reason for their Inner Critic to hyper-focus on what is missing in their life. The newness of Spring is another reminder that someone else is happier. (And if you need proof, just take a look at your Instagram feed!)

When it feels like life is better for your Facebook friends on the beach for Spring break, your Inner Critic is jumping straight into the “shoulding”. She’s saying, “It’s Spring. Everyone loves Spring. You should too. You’re supposed to be happy! Everyone else is!”

Does any of this sound familiar? You’re not alone.

Here’s the thing: When your Inner Critic is triggered by the newness of...

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A Twist On The Golden Rule

life relationships self Mar 28, 2018

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We are all very familiar with the Golden Rule: treat people the way you want to be treated.  But what if you are someone who feels let you down by the way people are treating you?

Here’s a twist on the Golden Rule that people rarely consider:  When the people you love are not treating you the way you want to be treated, perhaps it is because you expect them to give you what you have not learned to give yourself.

When you have not learned to give yourself the love, kindness and compassion that you need, you can become easily triggered by another’s behavior.

For instance, if your Inner Critic frequently speaks to you in disparaging ways, you may become overly reactive to the smallest bit of disrespect from your teenager despite knowing that this behavior is typical of a child this age.  If your Inner Critic makes you feel like you are not valued or important enough, your spouse’s forgetfulness to check in with you...

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Are You Sleepwalking Through Life?

life Mar 21, 2018

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Are You Sleepwalking Through Life?


Many of us unknowingly sleepwalk through our lives. We have repetitive thoughts that play on a continuous loop.  We listen to the same worries, the same negative beliefs, regrets, “what ifs” and shoulds' and shouldn’ts day in and day out.  When we sleepwalk through life, we become stuck, dissatisfied and unable to see possibility for ourselves.


Does this sound familiar to you?  We have good news! It doesn’t have to be this way.  


“Waking up” to your life takes intention, commitment and consistency.  Taking on a daily practice of reflecting on your thoughts, even if for 5 minutes a day, can break-up your sleepwalking habit causing you to be more awake and alive.  


Here are some targeted questions we encourage our clients to ask themselves during reflection.  We invite you to take them on daily for a few weeks and then let us know what you begin...

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The Moment You Decided YOU Are The Problem

body Mar 14, 2018

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Happy March, Dethroning Tribe!


This month we are taking a deep dive into the connection between our Inner Critic and the way we treat our body.   


What many don’t recognize is that our relationship to food and the way we treat our body is a direct reflection of our deepest held thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, which we very often push away rather than take the time to reflect upon.  


You see, these deeply held thoughts and beliefs began when we were very young.  When we were young children, we were simply pure love. We had no concern with what others thought, and danced and sang at the top of our lungs like no one was watching!  


But then, something happened.  It’s the moment we got hurt, embarrassed, or in some way felt like we weren’t okay.  We ALL had a moment like this.  And it is from this moment that our Inner Critic is first born.  Your Inner Critic voice decided that...

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What to Do the Next Time You're Stressed About Your Weight

body Mar 07, 2018

How many times have you labeled food as “good” or “bad”? (We’ve all done it, right?)

In my work as a psychotherapist, I see so many women who feel shame every time they eat something on their bad list. Or there are the women who eat while on autopilot who are numbing their shame, fear, and sadness with food. Even exercise can be a way for us to run from our emotions.

I have yet to meet a woman who cherishes her body and treats it with love and kindness.

It’s no surprise that a recent Weight Watchers study found that as many as 75% of women dislike their bodies. As a result, the women surveyed were more likely to feel shame about their appearance and problems in their relationships.

And yet what many of us still believe is that the way out of this mess is to just “eat healthier” and “exercise”.

Don’t get me wrong--I’m all in favor of eating nourishing food and moving your body to stay strong, healthy, and...

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Who’s Really in the Driver’s Seat of Your Relationship?

relationships Feb 14, 2018

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Living from your Inner Critic in your romantic relationship will have you looking for what’s wrong, broken and isn’t working rather than what’s right, good and already working.

On this day of love, you have the opportunity to make a choice about how you want to keep your relationship. 

Your Inner Critic convinces you something is wrong with you and your relationship -- even in the most benign situations. When your partner leaves wet towels on the bathroom floor, it can make you feel like what’s important to you doesn’t matter to him or her.

This leads to a choice: Do you want to keep looking at your relationship through the lens of your Inner Critic, or do you want to search for all that’s right? 

One automatic behavior of your Inner Critic is called a comparison hold, when your Inner Critic compares your partner to a standard that may not be based in reality.

As an example: Your partner didn’t bring...

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