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How to Stop Worrying

self esteem Jul 16, 2019

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

From an evolutionary standpoint, Fear has helped us evolve as a species. In fact, millions of years ago, people needed to have fear to be able to respond to danger. But in our modern world, we really no longer need fear in order to stay alive. In fact, many of the things that we are afraid of are not even dangerous. 

Being afraid of being rejected, being not good enough, failing, or looking stupid might feel unpleasant but it’s not something that will kill us. In fact, much of our fear is caused by the belief that something or someone will cause us pain.  And this is where worry comes into play.

Worrying is a conditioned habit. It is a habit that is completely not useful. The feeling of worry is about your thoughts. Either your mind is in the past, thinking about what has already occurred and you can’t change, or your mind is focused on possible pain you may feel in the future. We focus on the future to prevent...

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5 Life Lessons I Learned From My Dog

relationships Jun 19, 2019

When I was six years old, my parents agreed to dog sit for a friend's dog for the weekend. I was so excited to be in the company of this dog that I refused to leave her side. When my parents put me to bed the first night she was with us, I vividly remember sneaking downstairs to get the dog to sleep in my bed. 

...and when she refused, I did what any determined six year old would do--I got some kitchen twine from the junk drawer and tied this poor dog's front paws to the top of my bed. (Thank goodness my parents came in and discovered the torture chamber I created and rescued her!)

But, what I remember about that night is that this dog just sat there quietly, loving me unconditionally despite the obvious discomfort that I was inflicting on her. Since then, I have had the pleasure of owning five dogs. Every single one has taught me an invaluable lesson about how I wish to live my life.

Here are the top 5 most important life lessons my dogs have shown me, simply by being dogs:

1....
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What Jim Morrison Can Teach Us About Life

Jim Morrison once said, “People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all…. feelings are disturbing."

From childhood, we are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. Because of this, any time we feel pain, we try to hide that we're not happy. We'll do anything to avoid those negative emotions. 

In the decades that I've been a psychotherapist, I've discovered that we're really creative in how we try to avoid our pain. We'll attempt to eat the bad feelings away. Some people will drink, use drugs, or gamble to avoid these emotions. Others become workaholics or even exercise to excess to avoid that belief that they'll never be happy. 

In fact, many of us spend more energy trying to keep away from these difficult feelings than it would take to actually face our fears. 

We are conditioned to believe that the definition of happiness is freedom from pain or difficulty. So many of us believe that feeling negative or painful...

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Shame: A Feast For The Inner Critic

Let's get real--everyone feels embarrassed sometimes.

You’re sure that you were right, and it turns out that you were wrong. 

You were late for your best friend’s wedding. 

Your zipper was open or your skirt got tucked into your underpants. 

Yes, your red face lasts for a few seconds then fades. You might blush every time you remember over the next day. But you DO forget. Eventually, you don't even remember that moment. But shame is another story.

Shame can last a lifetime.

It can begin in childhood when a teacher says, “you should be ashamed of yourself.” When you misbehave, your mother might tell you she's ashamed of you. Every time you do something wrong or make a mistake this feeling of shame gets reinforced. 

Eventually, shame becomes an ingrained, conditioned response any time you don’t meet your own idealized image of being right (or being good or being strong or being smart or being anything less than perfect).

This becomes a...

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Three Ways to Combat Impostor Syndrome

I have always struggled with this voice in my head telling me that I am not "good enough" When I was twelve, I watched a motivational speaker change a woman's entire perspective about herself in one interaction. 

In that moment, I knew that's what I wanted to do with my life. 

But in my unending quest to live this dream, I had to fight the voice of my Inner Critic every step of the way. And the truth is that if you're finding yourself feeling like a phony despite your personal and professional achievements, you're not alone.

Even Oscar-winner Viola Davis has struggled with these thoughts. "It feels like my hard work has paid off, but at the same time I still have the impostor, you know, syndrome," Davis told ABC News after winning an Academy Award. “I still feel like I'm going to wake up and everybody's going to see me for the hack I am.”

Why do so many women struggle with this feeling of inadequacy and persistent self-doubt, despite their high...

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Struggle is a Habit

In this Episode of the Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast, Joanna delves into what struggling truly is, and how to manage suffering in struggling. She explains the roots of struggle, the history of seeking out danger, and more!

Here is this week’s reflection question:

  • What are your favorite flavors of suffering (for you)?


Access our favorite tools and exclusive training in our FREE Resource Vault: http://bit.ly/DYICresourcevault

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Who's in the Driver's Seat of Your Relationship?

relationships Jun 07, 2019

Every day we make choices on how to feel about everything. When we wake up we can decide we are happy about it or upset by it but it is only our thoughts about it that makes it so. For example, I know a lot of people who hate Monday’s but “Karen” thinks of it as just another day. Allowing herself to be upset by a day of the week does not make sense to her so when Monday rolls around she’s the only one in the office who is cheerful.

 

You can apply this to your relationships too. Living from the narrow and distorted view of your Inner Critic in your romantic relationship will have you looking for what’s wrong, broken and isn’t working rather than what’s right, good and already working. You have to make the conscious choice to kick your inner critic to the curb...or at least the couch.

How can you become the driver in your relationship again?

 

There are four common ways your Inner Critic is sabotaging your relationships. I want to...

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There is No Such Thing as a Relationship

relationship Jun 07, 2019

It is not uncommon to hear people describe their relationship as a thing.  You might label your relationship as “good” or “bad”. You might say, “my relationship is boring” or might label it as exciting.  

 

Here’s what you need to realize: Your relationship is not a thing.

 

There is no such thing as a relationship. Instead, we’re interconnected in a million different ways with those we care about. When you focus more on how you exist in connection with your loved ones, you stop labeling and start improving the quality of those connections. You realize your “relationship” is nothing more than a series of interactions.

 

Here are three ways that you can improve your interactions today:

  1. Choose your actions like you choose what to wear to an important event.

 

Spend as much time discovering great ways to create wonderful moments with your loved one as you would getting ready for an important...

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How Your Inner Critic Makes You Go Dumb

What happens when you get stuck in confusion? When you are just uncertain about what is going on in your life, what is actually going on? This might surprise you, but it comes down to fear and your Inner Critic trying to suppress your emotions. Tune in to this week’s episode of the Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast to hear Joanna’s take on your Inner Critic Making you go dumb:

Here are this week’s reflection questions:

  • Where are you stuck in confusion, or the “I don’t know” in your life?
  • What feelings come up for you around making decisions: past, present, and future?
  • What’s the next decision that you’re going to make?
  • Those emotions that you don’t want to feel: where is that emotion in your body?
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Why Self Awareness Isn’t Enough

In this episode of the Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast, Joanna talks about self awareness, your interpretation, and actual reality. She comments on how people interpret the world, and gives you a new perspective on how to improve the quality of your life.

Here is this week’s reflection question:

  • Where does your mind go when you feel sad or guilty or angry or anxious?


Access our favorite tools and exclusive training in our FREE Resource Vault: http://bit.ly/DYICresourcevault

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