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Signs Your Inner Critic is in Control

self care self esteem Oct 25, 2017

We all get frustrated sometimes. Our expectations aren’t met. Our intentions get thwarted. What we want to happen isn’t happening fast enough. We keep doing what we think will produce the best result we want, but it still seems to go nowhere. What to do about it?

We can stomp our feet in frustration, we can pull our hair out, we can throw an adult temper tantrum.  All that will get us is painful feet, thinning hair, and a reputation for being immature.

Frustration that dominates our lives becomes a problem. Life is filled with circumstances and events that can be frustrating. But if we get triggered into an over-reaction when things don’t go our way, it is usually the Inner Critic that has taken over.

She is the one who makes your blood pressure rise and the one who feels angry and resentful towards whatever or whomever is blocking you.

As always, the first step in easing the frustrations we feel is observation. Noticing when we are feeling...

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5 Ways To Prevent Your Inner Critic From Wreaking Havoc On Your Relationship

relationships Oct 25, 2017

Your Inner Critic is that voice yacking away your whole life constantly telling you what you have to fix, change and perfect. She's constantly speaking to you and chances are you continue to listen to it, never understanding that this is where much of the suffering in your life originates.

Your Inner Critic says that if you just keep trying harder and harder to get better and better, you will get to a point where you finally feel like everything is perfect.

The problem is that no matter what you have accomplished, achieved, changed or fixed, the Inner Critic is always there telling you what’s next to fix or change.

The impact of this voice does not just take its toll on your relationship with yourself, but can also wreak havoc on your relationships with your loved ones. Because our Inner Critic constantly makes us feel inadequate, we tend to look toward our partner as a way to make us feel good about ourselves.

At the beginning of a relationship, it is pure...

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How to Move Past The Feeling You're Not Enough

I've always loved this old Cherokee Indian legend that illustrates the battle between ourselves and our Inner Critic beautifully. 

An old man is teaching his grandson about life. 

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good–he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

So many of us struggle with unrealistic expectations about what our lives "should" look...

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Moving Past The "What Ifs"

The only thing that's consistent in life is change. Our lives are full of opportunities to make decisions. 

Most choices are easy to make: 

  • Which movie should I go to?
  • What should I make for dinner?
  • What outfit should I wear today?

Much more difficult and confronting are the decisions which are life altering:

  • Do I get married?
  • Do I get divorced?
  • Do I have a baby?
  • Do I have another child?
  • Do I quit my job?
  • Do I relocate my family for my work?

Any time you face a decision (big or small), you set your Inner Critic up to scream. She can ruin your evening if you find yourself overdressed at a party. She can spoil lovely family time if they didn’t like what you prepared. But much more significantly, she can paralyze your ability to take action in circumstances that will change your life.

Your Inner Critic can keep you stuck in mind boggling indecision, undermining any possibility of moving forward, one way or another. Her favorite way of accomplishing this is...

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5 Steps To Be Less Judgmental

relationships Oct 25, 2017

I will admit it. I hate how judgmental I can be. But the truth is that human beings are judgment making machines.

How many times have you formed an opinion of someone before you really got to know them?

How many times have you felt judged by someone who doesn’t really know or understand you?

Most of our judgments of others come from fear and a need to prove that we are "right" about the way we live. If we are wrong, we are flawed in some way. And because it is scary to look at your flaws, we automatically try to feel good by finding flaws in others. 

The judgments we have can teach us a lot about ourselves. In order to be less judgmental, we have to have a willingness to examine ourselves.

Here are 5 steps to being less judgmental:


1.  Be willing to admit that your judgments of yourself (and others) are reflections of trying to live up to your ideal standards.

For most of us, our ideal version of ourselves is somehow different than who we are now. We...

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5 Steps To Overcoming Body Image Issues

self Oct 25, 2017

As a therapist, I work with a lot of people who struggle with compulsive eating and body image issues.   Many of my clients have been on many different diets, and have lost the same 10, 30, 50 lbs. over and over again.

We are a culture that is obsessed with appearance, and many people set out to lose weight so that they can look better.  The diet industry is a $60 billion per year industry because it targets emphasis on food and weight as the problem.  As a result, millions of people are literally at war with themselves, struggling to deal with their food compulsions, beating themselves up on a daily basis for “having no willpower.”  It is this ongoing war, strengthened by images in the media and cultural messages, that produces a culture of self-loathing people.  

For most, the belief behind the war is “once I am thinner, I will feel the way that I want to feel about myself and my life.”  What most people fail to recognize...

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Three Ways to Make Gratitude A Habit

gratitude relationships Oct 24, 2017

Every person who signs up for coaching with me or enrolls in one of my workshops is looking to change something in their lives that is causing them to struggle. 

They want to save their marriage. 

They feel like they're failing as a parent. 

They want to have the courage to change their career. 

The list of what people want to fix or change about themselves (or some aspect of their life) is endless. But the solution to any struggle you have boils down to one simple step: Practice love and gratitude. 

Too often, we habitually (and automatically) live in fear and try to control the situation. We go through life believing that something in our lives needs to change in order for us to feel the way we want to. It's easy to believe that when our circumstances are different someday, we will feel different. 

Of course, this belief just leads us to try to control our circumstances so we can fix how we feel. This makes us more anxious and uncomfortable makes us...

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