How to Design a Life You Love

The heart of the work I do is the MIND Method, which allows you to quickly identify and recognize the thoughts and beliefs you previously thought were you for your whole life. So many of the clients I serve one-on-one or though my group programs have trouble connecting with their authentic selves when they're spinning in those conditioned and habitual thoughts. It's really as transparent as breathing for most of us. 

I developed this method so you can spot the voice of your Inner Critic immediately to stop the habit of listening to it. When we stop this habit of giving energy and attention to it (and thinking that those critical thoughts are you), you can shift these patterns of thinking and design a life you love. 

Meet Your Inner Critic

The first step of this process is meeting your Inner Critic. You need to get familiar with her voice, where she came from and why she's in your mind in the first place. For many of us, these thoughts form very early in our...

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5 Life Lessons I Learned From My Dog

relationships Jun 19, 2019

When I was six years old, my parents agreed to dog sit for a friend's dog for the weekend. I was so excited to be in the company of this dog that I refused to leave her side. When my parents put me to bed the first night she was with us, I vividly remember sneaking downstairs to get the dog to sleep in my bed. 

...and when she refused, I did what any determined six year old would do--I got some kitchen twine from the junk drawer and tied this poor dog's front paws to the top of my bed. (Thank goodness my parents came in and discovered the torture chamber I created and rescued her!)

But, what I remember about that night is that this dog just sat there quietly, loving me unconditionally despite the obvious discomfort that I was inflicting on her. Since then, I have had the pleasure of owning five dogs. Every single one has taught me an invaluable lesson about how I wish to live my life.

Here are the top 5 most important life lessons my dogs have shown me, simply by being dogs:

1....
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Who's in the Driver's Seat of Your Relationship?

relationships Jun 07, 2019

Every day we make choices on how to feel about everything. When we wake up we can decide we are happy about it or upset by it but it is only our thoughts about it that makes it so. For example, I know a lot of people who hate Monday’s but “Karen” thinks of it as just another day. Allowing herself to be upset by a day of the week does not make sense to her so when Monday rolls around she’s the only one in the office who is cheerful.

 

You can apply this to your relationships too. Living from the narrow and distorted view of your Inner Critic in your romantic relationship will have you looking for what’s wrong, broken and isn’t working rather than what’s right, good and already working. You have to make the conscious choice to kick your inner critic to the curb...or at least the couch.

How can you become the driver in your relationship again?

 

There are four common ways your Inner Critic is sabotaging your relationships. I want to...

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Your Inner Critic and Your Relationships

On this week’s episode of the Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast, Joanna talks about how to rewire your automatic thoughts that affect your automatic reactions regarding relationships. She talks about how your Inner Critic takes control of your emotions to make you feel like a victim in relationships.

Here are this week’s reflection questions:

  • Where is your Inner Critic hiding in your relationships with others?
  • What’s the impact of your Inner Critic’s messages on your current relationships with the people who matter the most to you?
  • What expectations of your Inner Critic are you currently listening to?

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How Your Inner Critic Hacks Your Relationship

relationships May 13, 2019

We aren’t taught how to do relationships. In fact, there’s an unspoken belief that we should just know how to do relationships. In this week’s episode of the Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast, Joanna talks in-depth about how your Inner Critic can affect your relationships with others.

Your Inner Critic can wreak havoc by trying to control how someone else acts towards you, and making them responsible towards how you feel. That’s a lot of power to give to someone else! In reality, your thoughts are the only true things that can affect your emotions. That’s why you need to check what your Inner Critic is saying about how others are acting.

Here is this week’s reflection question:

  • Where is the vicious cycle where your Inner Critic causes you to take your love away, showing up in your life?

Access our favorite tools and exclusive training in our FREE Resource Vault: http://bit.ly/DYICresourcevault

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People Pleasing and Your Inner Critic

This week on The Dethroning Your Inner Critic Podcast, Joanna is talking about people pleasing: what it means, why it happens, and how to talk to the people pleaser in yourself to take back control. People pleasing is a huge operating tactic for the Inner Critic, she latches on to the thoughts you may have about upsetting someone and uses those thoughts to control your interactions with others. To transform your life, it’s imperative that you become intimately familiar with these old, automatic, conditioned thoughts that come from your Inner Critic.

Here are this week’s reflection questions:

  • What is the voice inside your head truly saying when you say “yes” to something that you don’t want to do?
  • When was that time in your childhood when your Inner Critic latched on to your feelings of unworthiness?
  • What can you do today to recognize when these conditioned thoughts from your Inner Critic are appearing?

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How Your Inner Critic Sabotages Your Relationships

relationships Oct 25, 2017

Every single one of us has experienced our Inner Critic's attempts to hijack our relationships. And if you haven't yet been able to identify all the ways that she's separate from who you authentically are, your relationships are suffering. 

Learning to separate yourself from your Inner Critic and let go of the automatic attempt to fix or control and instead very consciously choosing love and connection to your true self – without the interference of your Inner Critic – is a key step to an extraordinary relationship.

The greatest gift you can give to your relationships is to learn to be free from the damaging messages of your Inner Critic. Your Inner critic is constantly evaluating and judging you, your life, your partner, and your relationships. When your Inner Critic is in charge, it tries to control other people and the dynamics in the relationship so that things fit your Inner Critic’s ideal picture. Of course, at any given moment your partner can...

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The Real Problem

relationships Oct 25, 2017

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Your Inner Critic is the voice in your mind that is constantly talking to you and telling you what you need to improve, where you don’t measure up, and what you need to fix. Your Inner Critic tries to have control over your world and convinces you that, if you listen to it and do exactly what it says:

  • You will have control.
  • You will be able to get your life to go in the direction that you want it to go.
  • You will get people to treat you the way you want them to.

In our work, we speak with  folks all the time who don’t realize how much of their lives are controlled by our Inner Critic. It’s easy to get automatically sucked into the message of the Inner Critic and then attempt to control the feelings we’re having by fixing or changing the world outside. We think that if “they” can just change their current circumstance, things will be ok.

The real problem is not with the outside world....

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5 Ways To Prevent Your Inner Critic From Wreaking Havoc On Your Relationship

relationships Oct 25, 2017

Click here to listen to this blog!

Your Inner Critic, the voice in your mind that speaks to you all day every day, is the voice that is constantly evaluating you, telling you what you have to fix, change and perfect. It’s been the voice that has been yacking away your whole life, and you continue to listen to it, never understanding that this is where much of the suffering in your life originates.

It says that if you just keep trying harder and harder to get better and better, you will get to a point where you finally feel like everything is perfect.The problem is that no matter what you have accomplished, achieved, changed or fixed, the inner critic is always there telling you what’s next to fix or change. The impact of this voice does not just take its toll on your relationship with yourself, but can also wreak havoc on your relationship.

Because our Inner Critic makes us feel inadequate in some way, shape or form, we tend to look toward our partner as a way to...

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How to Move Past The Feeling You're Not Enough

I've always loved this old Cherokee Indian legend that illustrates the battle between ourselves and our Inner Critic beautifully. 

An old man is teaching his grandson about life. 

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good–he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

So many of us struggle with unrealistic expectations about what our lives "should" look...

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