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What Does it Look Like to Master Your Mind?

podcast Jun 09, 2020

Can't listen? Here's the transcript:

Hey Dethroners! I keep hearing from so many of you who are wanting to understand what it really looks like to master your mind so today I am going to talk about it from a biological as well as from an emotional and spiritual perspective. 

Our brain is like a huge biocomputer. And like any complex piece of machinery, If we don’t receive training on how to use it, we just don’t know how to use it to its fullest potential. Our senses and our rational mind don’t tune into the world as it really is. The picture of the world around us is mostly the creation of our pre-programmed distorted memories that we mistake for facts. We don’t realize how much our minds manipulate, change and distort what has actually happened in our lives. 

And most people have no idea that their head is what creates their entire world. I talk a lot about your Inner Critic addictions.  These are the things that your mind says you NEED in order to feel happy, whole, and fulfilled. These addictions and demands are the dominating thoughts that occupy your mind. And since we have roughly 70,000 thoughts per day, that is A LOT of time and energy spent focusing on situations where you don’t have what you say you need. 

Your automatic, everyday mind will ruminate over thoughts like, “What did I do that caused me to not get this thing?” or “How can I get it in the future?” or “Do other people really like me?” And all of these habitual thoughts create emotions that cause some form of pain, which is only generated by your thoughts looping around over and over again in your mind. 

This is actually the job of your cerebral cortex, the part of the brain that is responsible for perception, memory, association, thought, and is the main part of the brain and serves as the thought and control center. One thought leads to the next and the next like a loop--and this is all taking place while you are lying comfortably in your bed or driving in your car. 

So in reality, there is nothing wrong in that moment, other than your thoughts that are created in your mind and are stuck on a vicious thought loop. But your cerebral cortex doesn’t know this. So it sends signals to the limbic system, which is the part of the brain that generates emotions and feelings. It interacts with the cerebral cortex and uses memories and perceptions to analyze data. And your amygdala intensifies emotional responses when incoming stimuli don’t match what we expected and responds with anger, fear, and send you into fight or flight survival mechanism reaction.  

Now you can understand how a spouse who forgets to pick up dry cleaning can turn into World War Three because “He never does anything around here! I can’t count on him for anything!”  But if your best friend forgot to pick up your dry cleaning, you would be just mildly annoyed but give her a pass because she has a lot on her plate. 

And this is because most of our automatic programming that creates our emotions are really patterns of thought that were programmed during early childhood when we had no idea that the adults in our lives, like parents or teachers, were really acting from their own Inner Critic addictions. 

We react to situations with fear, jealousy, or anger because we are really responding to other people’s words and behaviors, or our own automatic worst-case scenario thoughts, as though we are faced with tigers that are about to eat us. Because that was what the biocomputer was really created for. And this is how most people live. They don’t know how to manage their minds to create calm and peace and joy. So they basically live this way day in and day out, where their emotions are controlled by their biocomputer, because they don’t know how to properly use it.  I

t’s like getting into a car every day and not knowing how to drive it. You will probably move the car but you won’t get very far before crashing into something and causing a lot of pain and damage. We all need to learn how to control the generation of thoughts that keep us separate and alone and overly identified with this false mini-me self that lives inside our minds.   

So to effectively and optimally use our biocomputer, we have to understand how to consciously and repeatedly give ourselves instructions to interrupt the old programming that is created by our Inner Critic’s addictions and demands and instead practice intentional thoughts that allow us to unhook from our Inner Critic demands.  This is how you stop seeing the world around you through the lens of your Inner Critic thoughts and learn to let go of identifying with your Inner Critic demands. 

Our unhappiness is a function of feeling disappointed or frustrated because in the automatic programming from our Inner Critic mind, life repeatedly gives us what we don’t want to accept. When we are faced with a circumstance that threatens what our Inner Critic is addicted to, like being liked or valued or important to another person, we get angry, resentful, jealous, or fearful.  Even when we do get what we want, our Inner Critic immediately wants more. 

So our Inner Critic mind is forever seeking out the pleasure of its addictions. Our Inner Critic keeps demanding and protecting us from the threat of emotional pain so we can only really feel temporary happiness when the Inner Critic addictions have been met and before our Inner Critic is focused on the next addiction. 

It is only when we are able to clearly see our addictive programming and learn to repeatedly catch it and unhook from it, that we can create more freedom and peace in our every day lives. We can realize that life is really 50/50. We win some and we lose some. We learn to break our addictive dependence on the actions of other people or any external circumstances, including the size of our bodies! 

Because most people don’t know the difference between THEM and the voice of their Inner Critic, they are mostly unhappy. This is how 90% of the world lives!! And most people truly believe that they are the only ones. They think that the executive that makes $250,000 a year can’t possibly feel not good enough. They think that the supermodel doesn’t suffer with insecurity and doubt. They believe that the couple who look like they have a beautiful relationship can’t possibly have the same arguments with their spouse that they have with theirs.  

In one of my past Mastering Your Mind programs, I was working with a woman who very much disliked criticism. And really, no one LIKES criticism, right??  We’ll call this woman Mary. Mary was very unhappy because she felt like her supervisor was always criticizing her in his mind. And she felt very tense and angry and would often come home from work cranky and exhausted. Then she was short with her kids and disconnected from her husband and the cycle would just repeat like this day after day. 

She was resentful of her supervisor, she was questioning her job, and she was feeling overwhelmed and unhappy in general. Through the program, she realized that for much of her life, she has been trying to ward off judgment and criticism. She was a superstar student throughout school and was also a people pleaser beginning at a young age. And although these automatic parts of her personality got her a lot of success in her life, she was realizing that if she keeps allowing her Inner Critic addictions to rule her life, she will continue the vicious cycle of being unhappy when she is faced with any threat of someone criticizing or judging her. 

She clearly saw where this addiction stemmed from as her father was often criticizing all of his children and to a young child, this is a very scary feeling. As a young child, Mary didn’t realize that her dad was automatically operating from his Inner Critic addiction that HE was always the best, and always regarded in high esteem. And this is because HE had parents who made him feel worthless, so he spent his life overcompensating.

And he was a loving dad but was always pointing out where his kids could be better.  He thought this is what a good parent does because he was blind to his own inner critic addictions. And for all intents and purposes, he was a good dad. But Mary took from her childhood that criticism meant shame and feeling less than and to her brain, this felt like death. 

But now Mary is a grown, powerful, accomplished woman with a family of her own.  She had to learn that she can actually handle it if another person criticized or judged her. She downgraded her Inner Critic addiction to a preference. Of course, we would ALL prefer to be liked by everyone and always regarded well. But that is not how life works.  No matter what we do, we will be judged.

Human beings are judgment making machines. You judge! Even if you say you are someone who doesn’t judge, you judge! You judge the people who you love most in this entire world!  And guess what!  They judge you too!

Gradually, as she progressed in the program, Mary learned to unhook from the need to control other people’s judgment. She realized that she could deliberately have thoughts that allowed her to recognize the unbelievable accomplishments she has had in her life, and how loved she is by her friends and family. She started to learn how to think in a way that had her fall in love with herself, so she didn’t NEED other people’s approval in order to feel good. 

Her feelings of happiness were no longer connected to anything that was occurring outside of HER. She was able to step back and witness all the drama that her Inner Critic created, from an inner place of calm and peace within. And this is because she shifted into a newly relocated part of her mind. Not her old, everyday mind that she had identified with for most of her life and used to look through. 

I often talk to people about visually watching yourself step out of your old mind and relocate into a new mind, where you are already well. There is no longer anything you NEED in order to feel ok. While she may still have a preference for everyone to like her, it is no longer an addiction. It was as though she was watching her life on a movie screen, watching her Inner Critic mind be completely vulnerable to other people’s behaviors. 

She got off the proverbial roller coaster of feeling good when her Inner Critic addictions were met, to feeling down when the addictions weren't met. And not only was Mary able to see the drama her Inner Critic whipped up in her own life, but she could also see it in others too starting with her dad.  She was able to find forgiveness for his criticisms, which created freedom from some underlying anger that mary had been carrying for most of her life. 

She is now able to remain in a state of happiness and peace that isn’t related to anything anyone says or does. She feels lighter and more peaceful. She has learned to set boundaries at work, rather than turning herself into a pretzel to try to make her supervisor happy. And she has created a completely new relationship with herself, where she is no longer doubting and second-guessing herself, and being a people pleaser. 

And because she feels calm inside, she is interacting with her husband and kids in a different way.  When she was in a perpetual state of self-doubt, she often acted this out on her family. So not only was she overly critical and nitpicky with herself, but she was also that way with her husband and kids.

And this is the beautiful thing that starts to happen when you learn to master your mind.  You just don’t get as triggered by other people. You realize that their behavior is about THEIR automatic Inner Critic thoughts that create THEIR automatic emotions that create THEIR automatic behaviors. You really understand on a deep soul level that their behavior is about them and you interrupt your Inner Critic’s attempts to make it about YOU! 

You have more room for people’s jerkiness. Because people will act like jerks--even the ones that we love. But when we don’t take their jerkiness personally, we stop being so reactive to everyone and every circumstance around us. We can just BE.

We stop feeling like other people are so scary and we need to protect ourselves from their judgments or rejections. I am working right now with a man who was feeling very raw about a recent breakup. And he was consumed with thoughts about getting her back and that there was something not good enough about him that had her end the relationship. 

But in working together, he clearly saw his Inner Critic addiction to being loved. He knew from the beginning of the relationship that this woman had issues with emotional intimacy. But his Inner Critic addiction said that if he just loved her the right way, she would learn to love him the way he needed. But this was NEVER possible.  NOT because of him but because her own Inner Critic mind had her in protective fight or flight mode and getting too close to people felt way too dangerous. 

His Inner Critic told him he NEEDED to be loved by her to feel ok.  But relocating to a new mind where he was able to see that he was already good enough and didn’t NEED to be loved by anyone else to feel good, he could let go of his pain. While he still would prefer that she love him, he no longer NEEDS it. He is calmer and at peace and therefore was able to take the step to get back on a dating App. 

But when he was looking through the lens of his every day Inner Critic mind, he was devastated and incapacitated. When you know how to practice using your biocomputer effectively, you can continue to catch your Inner Critic mind whipping up the drama and unhook from that old mind and step into a new mind. 

Now this is certainly not a one and done practice. It is very much like exercise. If you want a fit body, you have to exercise daily. This practice of unhooking from your Inner Critic mind and relocating to a new mind is a conscious, moment by moment practice.  But when you practice it over time, the result is that you rewire a completely different mind that will create a whole new life. 

That is how you design a life you love. You can’t have the peace and freedom and joy that you want by using your old computer programmed every day Inner Critic mind.  It just doesn’t work. You need to understand exactly how to interact with the outside world around you, and exactly how to work on the INSIDE world, which is YOURSELF. 

When you know how to do this, you can remain tuned in, centered and loving no matter what life presents to you. And this is why I truly believe that the Mastering Your Mind program is one of the most important things you can give yourself. And unlike other conventional methods of growth that require years or decades, this program is about rapidly reprogramming your biocomputer within months. 

Because when you know how to master your mind, you have won the lottery of life.  It is the greatest and most valuable of all the life lessons--it allows you to realize that there is NOTHING you need that you don’t already have. It is a step by step process that allows you to live in the here and now, and for the first time, find your REAL self.

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