THIS is the Reason You're Feeling Stuck in Your Life

 

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Here’s a fact you may not know: The average human being thinks 50,000 thoughts PER DAY. 

Now if I asked you to identify a theme around what MOST of your thoughts are about...what would it be? 

If you are like most humans, most of your self-talk is about yourself, and most of it is negative. 

This is Inner Critic territory - you’re thinking about where you are failing, imperfect, not enough, being judged, upsetting others, or even "too" successful. I want to talk to all of you about YOU!  All of us think we have some idea of who we really are. 

So many women are living life with their Inner Critics in their ear thinking THAT is who they are. 

That's what I want to talk about today - who we THINK we are and who we REALLY are.

We have developed an identity from our childhood experiences, from our parents and siblings, our idea of what it means to be a girl, a woman, a wife, a mother, from our culture, and from our own inner sense of who we are.  

But when you really think about where our sense of self comes from, the answer is that it is primarily from our thinking--a collection of our thoughts about our selves.  This includes all of our relationships, the world around us, memories from our past, beliefs about ourselves and our lives, that we relate to as truths, fears that we have about the future.  We have mental labels or definitions about who we are that is all based on our conditioned and automatic habits of thought. And It is actually our habitual thinking that gets us into trouble with our sense of self. 

In case you haven’t noticed, your sense of self always has a problem with something. If you stop and look, you can recognize that there’s probably always something that’s bothering you. Today’s problem may be different from yesterday’s problem, but once today’s problem is gone there will always be another problem waiting to take its place.  This is this stream of thought that creates a lot of our sense of self. 

This habit of thinking makes up the incessant mind chatter that speaks to us from the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep. And it is this voice in your mind that is always looking at the question, “What’s wrong here?”

That repetitive, habitual thinking is what I call your Inner Critic voice. She is always waiting to try to change or fix things because she thinks that something is always broken or needs perfecting. It is this Inner Critic that we have put, without realizing it, in the position of governing our thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs, and virtually our whole lives. We are so identified with this voice, and it is predominantly an unhappy voice.  So out of the 60,000 thoughts, we think per day, most of those thoughts are negative.  

Life is full of ups and downs. In fact, if you think about it, half of life goes the way we want, and half of life doesn’t. The normal state for most of us is to be lost in the preoccupation with trying to control our world of thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations.  We may not even realize how overwhelming this is, because we’re so used to it. We’ve been doing it for much of our lives. Those thoughts have become as invisible as the air you breathe.  

Your Inner Critic has been giving you a list of should’s and shouldn’t’s for forever: “This shouldn’t be this way, I should be different, he shouldn’t act this way.” Your Inner Critic now has a litany of how things need to be in order for you to be okay. 

Your Inner Critic is the one who is constantly trying to figure life out so you aren’t inwardly discontent, anxious, or unhappy. The problem is that this way of thinking makes life very hard. Without realizing it, this way of thinking keeps your Inner Critic in charge of your sense of self, ruling how you live your life, how you interact in your relationships, and many things in your life can become a struggle.  

Your Inner Critic evaluates and judges everything that happens in your life. She judges situations from your past as troubling, she predicts things in the future as frightening, and she basically wreaks havoc with your ability to be okay in the present. She causes you to spend so much energy thinking about what already happened, or worrying about what will happen, and she robs you from experiencing what life could be if you were free from your Inner Critic’s habitual and repetitive thoughts.

I am on a mission to show as many women as I can how to break free from the compulsive habit of listening to your Inner Critic and thinking that she is YOU. 

How do you do this?  

The way toward freedom is becoming so intimately familiar with your Inner Critic and what she says and has been saying for forever so that you can begin to actually separate yourself from it. 

Now, this takes some effort to examine the thoughts that you previously have thought were YOU for your whole life. The problem sometimes is that we are so over-identified and enmeshed with our Inner Critic, that we think that what she says is totally true. 

So when we try to separate ourselves from what she says, it almost feels alien and unnatural. It is as though, without our Inner Critic we feel lost. We don’t know who we are.

This becomes the opportunity to create something new. A completely new mind, with completely new thoughts. It opens the door to see who you are with completely different eyes. Your Inner Critic has been keeping you convinced that you are flawed, weak, or inadequate. Dethroning your Inner Critic is the opportunity to become free of these beliefs. To break the habit of giving energy and attention to the voice of your Inner Critic, by rewiring your mind. 

After all, it’s your Inner Critic that has created certain parts of your personality that are keeping you stuck and making you suffer: Your worry, dissatisfaction, perfectionism, resentment, regret, sadness, anger, and overwhelm.  

Your Inner Critic thinking keeps you focused on the outside world for your feelings.  She says things like, “I’m not good enough. I’m fat. I need to be married by this age.  I need to keep getting better and better at work. I better get my kids to turn out a particular way.”  

She keeps you busy with things you have to do and the places you have to go.  There leaves no time to examine your automatic thoughts and learn to think beyond your old way of thinking.  You focus on your problems, which perpetuates a vicious cycle of your Inner Critic thoughts causing you to experience problems, and then the problems elicit more Inner Critic thoughts and it goes on and on.

To change your life, you have to learn to change the automatic thinking that created your life as it is right now.  Because your mind is like a computer program and you have programmed it with your Inner Critic’s thoughts.

Reprogramming your mind is learning to unwire your old thinking patterns and rewire your mind with new patterns of thought. This is how you change who you ARE. This is how you change the habit of feeling like no matter what your life looks like you just aren’t good enough.

I know this well because that is my Inner Critic’s theme song. I used to be completely controlled by my Inner Critic. I kept trying to find all of my happiness outside of myself. I needed my life to match my ideal pictures in order to feel happy. No matter what my life looked like on the outside (and it looked pretty good) I was always feeling unsettled, like something was missing. 

Creating the tools for dethroning your Inner Critic came from my 30-year study of my own mind and the minds of thousands of clients. I taught myself how to break the habit of thought that kept me trying to be the ideal woman, wife, mother, and therapist so that I could feel good enough. 

Sure my Inner Critic pushed me to a lot of the successes and accomplishments in my life--but that came at a huge cost. And now that I have mastered my mind and took my Inner Critic out of the driver’s seat of my life, I am still reaching for my goals and dreams...but I am enjoying the journey along the way. I am not focused on getting to the goal.  

And for TRUE change, it’s not enough just to change your thoughts.  You also have to learn to change the feelings that go along with it.  I am NOT talking about positive thinking here. That is not the answer, because frankly, it doesn’t work.  You can’t think positively to override how you feel inside.  

Dethroning your Inner Critic is a roadmap to becoming someone else, by separating yourself from the habits of thought that have made you, YOU!  It’s based on my 4-step method, called the MIND method, that allows you to break free of the overwhelmed, discontent, anxious, perfectionistic version of you. 

It allows YOU to have conscious control over your mind. It teaches you how to manage the thoughts in your mind, which is something that we’re not taught in our culture.  When you become so intimately familiar with this voice and understand how she got in there in the first place (and when and why she speaks to you), you can unlearn listening to her.  You can begin to take guidance instead from a new mind, and design a new future.

Take a moment and think about who you would be and what you could do if you were no longer letting your Inner Critic rule your mind?  Imagine feeling the joy, contentment, and peace that you were meant to feel, but have not had access to since your Inner Critic took over your mind. 

Once you are able to fully separate yourself from your Inner Critic, you feel a sense of wholeness. Instead of a mind that keeps you focused on what you didn’t like in your past or what you don’t want in your present or future, you can design a new future by focusing on what’s possible. 

Because the life you have now is a reflection of your thoughts. You’ve just been blind to those thoughts that have created your life. Designing a new life is about training your mind to think new thoughts, and have new beliefs, that are in alignment with the life you want. 

On September 16, I am going to have a 5-day challenge called Perfectly Imperfect:  A 5 Day Challenge to Master Your Mind & Get Out of Your Own Way. Over these 5 days, I am going to walk you through the steps of my MIND method. 

By the end of this challenge, you will be able to clearly distinguish the difference between the voice of your IC and who you really are.  You will be able to put your past back in your past, where it belongs, and design your future free from the constraints of your IC. 

We’ll have a private Facebook group, daily challenges, resources, and I will be live every day at 11 am ET from sept 16-20 (or you can listen to the replay). To sign up, click here: https://www.dethroningyourinnercritic.com/perfectly-imperfect-challenge

You owe this to yourself to discover what is possible for you when you learn to dethrone your Inner Critic from ruling your mind!

In order to truly change your life, you need to be willing to think differently from how you feel.

That's why I collected some of my favorite resources and trainings to create an owner's manual for your mind. Want access? Tell us where to send your log-in details! 

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