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The Real Secret About Overachievers

podcast Jun 02, 2020

Can't listen? Here's the transcript:  

Hey Dethroners!  Today I want to talk about the biggest secret that no one talks about and that is that NO ONE is confident. That’s right--every single human being struggles with fear, doubt, and insecurity a good portion of the time. 

So many people I work with, men and women alike, are a huge success in everyone else’s eyes because they have developed the ability to take action in the face of fear.  That’s how they achieved success but they are actually living unhappy lives that are riddled with lack of fulfillment, discontent, and lack of inner peace. And that is because for their whole lives, they have been living with a mistaken identity of thinking that they ARE their thoughts. 

That is the way almost everyone lives. We go through life using our same way of thinking to guide us in our feelings about ourselves, our careers, our relationships, and we are tossed and turned by this mind like a ship in a storm, being thrust forward into worst case scenarios about our future, or tossed back into our past with regrets and shame. And when we use this old mind, this is how we become slaves to our Inner Critic. We become overachievers, people pleasers, type A driven people, who are waiting until someday to feel the joy and contentment they are craving, once they satisfy their Inner Critic’s demands.   

And there is SUCH a better way to be living our lives.  

That is that we have to learn to completely shift the location of our thinking, away from our everyday mind that is the Inner Critic mind. Our Inner Critic is the voice of ALL thought--not just the critical thought, but ALL thought. Even the thoughts that make you feel accomplished or successful when you reach a goal or get everything done on your TO Do list. 

Why are those thoughts that make you feel GOOD, also your Inner Critic thoughts?  Because they are the thoughts that connect your feelings of confidence, joy, and fulfillment to the external circumstances of our lives. And that is precisely why so many people are stuck on this merry go round that keeps them having to prove their value and worth all day, every day, and why most people are so unhappy and dissatisfied, no matter how life looks. But there is a way to unlock an entirely  new way of thinking so that the old mind that got you to that level of success that everyone else sees, that got you where you are for your company, your career, bank account, you can now start giving to yourself.  

I know that you have worked very hard to achieve your success but NOW IS THE TIME to learn to think in an entirely new way that allows you to feel fulfillment, joy and satisfaction right now.

Why do we have to get to the point where we are the walking dead, and we are white knuckling life, before we wake up? Because, to use the famous Albert Einstein quote, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Human beings are trapped in their mini- me self, where our minds are trapped in thinking the same exact thoughts over and over again. It is time to wake up to your conditioned, autopilot mind. Because you can’t get to joy and peace using your everyday mind. Your same old thoughts, perceptions, beliefs and emotions are not going to have you feeling any differently, no matter how many goals you have accomplished.  

What makes people revolutionize the way they are living in  every area of their lives, is to learn how to practice letting go of their identity with the Inner Critic mind. We are all addicted to our old mind thinking. That is our default setting. And learning meditation, breathing, adjusting your attitude, or even trying to change your thoughts will NOT work if you are still identifying with your every day mind. Because when you are identified with that inner roommate called your Inner Critic, you are hypnotized into believing that that is YOU! 

The awareness of unhooking yourself from your old mind is what actually changes your physical brain. Right now, if you are identified with your Inner Critic mind, you are addicted to your thoughts. Addiction to anything is the brain’s way of receiving pleasure. We want the hit of dopamine from whatever we are addicted to. So, when you are listening to your every day mind, you are actually trying to seek pleasure in whatever it is that your Inner Critic mind is telling you that you need. 

Maybe it says you need to be the people pleaser so that you will be accepted. Maybe it says you need to make sure that your children are happy and accomplished so you can feel like a good parent. Maybe it says that you need to make $500,000 a year or become CEO so that you can feel successful. Maybe it says that you need to lose weight in order to feel good enough.

Whatever it is addicted to, it is a complete trap. You think you need those things to feel good. But either you are forever feeling like you are lacking because you don’t have those things, or once you get the thing your Inner Critic says you need, it will go onto the next thing that you need.  And most people can see this in their own lives. They get to a point where they have actually achieved many of the things they have set out to do.  And yet, they are still miserable.  

This way of living is an illusion. And keeping you trapped in this loop of thinking for your whole life so far, is actually your Inner Critic’s JOB. Your Inner Critic was created in your mind when you were a young child, to keep you protected from pain. And how it tries to do that to ALL of us, is to control how life goes. Control what others think of us, control other people’s experiences and emotions about us. 

We do this in our careers and we do this in our relationships. This is why your Inner Critic is constantly pointing out where you aren’t good enough and what you NEED to be good enough. It is always pointing to something external that you need in order to feel good. 

But it is a trap! It is a race to no where. And this is the trap that leads people into the rat race of overachieving, an inability to set boundaries, say no, and live a life where they are honoring their own needs and taking care of themselves physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.   

Your Inner Critic is all about finding “problems”. Overachieving is your Inner Critic’s way of trying to find the solution to what it sees as the problem.  Accomplishing your to do list becomes the solution to feeling less than. Overfunctioning and not setting boundaries with your boss becomes the solution to having her find you worthy.

Trying to get your kids to find their happiness and be successful humans is the solution to feeling like you aren’t doing a good enough job as a mom. But here is the amazing thing: Your Inner Critic is what is creating the problems in the first place! Your Inner Critic thinking assigns meaning to EVERYTHING! And the meaning always goes back to what I call your core issue.  ALL human beings have a core issue. 

And our core issue is basically the same issue. We all have the same core issue. We just have different forms of it. It is always that in some way, we aren’t good enough. So either we aren’t important enough, or loved enough, or worthy enough. But it is these core issues that keep us trapped in our Inner Critic thinking, because we believe these core issues to be “the truth”. And when our Inner Critic believes the core issue to be the truth, it finds the problems to fix to try to get us to not feel this way. That is what overachieving IS. Trying to meet your Inner Critic demands so that you don’t feel the pain of your core issue that you are in some way, less than.

It is time to take yourself on and liberate yourself from the trap of the automatic mind that has you continue to live the same life over and over because you are using your old mind to navigate life. When you get out of this trap, there is a new mind that begins to take shape. As you continue to practice unhooking from all of your Inner Critic thoughts, which by the way, we have 50,000-80,000 thoughts a DAY, so that’s a lot of unhooking, as we continue to practice unhooking from the false identification with the Inner Critic mind, we are rewiring brand new neural networks in our brain. It is the awakening to a new location of thought that liberates us from our automatic, hamster wheel thinking . 

When you learn to free yourself from ALL thought, you learn to free yourself from the suffering, the fear and the attachment that has kept you in a perpetual state of chronic dissatisfaction and discontent. You learn how to design your life instead with a settled mind. And when you have a settled mind, you ARE FREE.  You have clarity, calmness and wisdom that you couldn’t have access to when your old mind was ruling your life.  

So here is what I want you to practice.  I want you to write the word peace on several sticky notes. And I want you to post this word in areas of your home where you can see it--on your bathroom mirror, on your desk, on your refrigerator, in your car. And I want this to be your new North Star-- PEACE. 

When you wake up to the automatic thoughts that knock you out of peace, you can practice unhooking from them. You have to see the thoughts clearly. You have to see them as the invented story, the meaning that your Inner Critic is assigning. When you know the difference between YOU and the voice of your Inner Critic, you are free. You are getting a glimpse of a a new location of thought, from a settled mind. 

This settled mind impacts a shift in every area of your life. When you learn to rewire a completely new mind, You get happier with yourself and your life, you let go of the overwhelm and pressure and dissatisfaction, and gain the freedom and peace of mind that will actually change parts of your personality that have been created by your Inner Critic. You need to access what lies underneath the success you have already achieved. 

You access an inner wisdom that is different. That is the voice of your Authentic Self that is guiding you so that you are able to flow with life, all of the ups and downs, and know that nothing will knock you too off center. Your faith and trust gets strengthened, because even in the face of failure, criticism and judgment, you know that you will be ok. You are unlearning your old way of thinking and allowing a new way to emerge.  And this is when life becomes exciting.  Because you stop trying to predict and control how it's going to go. 

Instead, you awaken to what’s possible. You become excited about the unknown rather than fearful of it. You stop second guessing yourself and fearing what might occur in the future. You awaken to the idea that there really is no such thing as the future, there only is the here and now. And you can sit in the discomfort and fear of not knowing, and use your inner wisdom to see what is the right next step. 

That is how I keep building my business, my confidence, my peace, my joy. I am surrendering my Inner Critic attachments and demands, taking the next right step, and getting curious about where it will lead. If the next right step doesn’t lead me to a place that I thought it would, I use that as an opportunity to gain more wisdom. I have had more failures than I can count and all of those failures have gotten me to the next level because I didn't let my Inner Critic assign meaning to it. 

Actually, none of those things were even failures. They were circumstances. That’s really what life is--nothing but circumstances.  We get to choose the meaning we will assign to the circumstances. So either WE are assigning the meaning from a newly relocated mind, or our Inner Critic is assigning the meaning from the old automatic mind.  

This is how you keep your heart open no matter what. You don’t get so afraid of fear.  You get used to feeling it and taking actions that are in alignment with the life you are designing. This is really the next level of mindfulness---we should instead call it mindlessness--because you are liberating yourself from your automatic mind. 

That’s what I created with my MIND method--a practical, step by step approach to shifting out of your old identity, and rewiring a new mind that revolutionizes the way you are living your life. This is critical! Especially now more than ever before, as we emerge from this pandemic, what is the life that you really want to be living? 

This pandemic has illuminated that the way we as a culture have been living is leading us further and further away from the true joy and satisfaction that we are so desperately craving. So the real question is, what are you waiting for? If you are listening to this and resonating with what I am saying,  give yourself the biggest gift and schedule a clarity call with me. The time is NOW!  Not someday.  

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