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The Hidden Side of Judgement

podcast Nov 17, 2020

 



Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners.  Today I want to talk about what judgment really IS.  Whether it is judgment of ourselves or others, it all comes from the same place.  Right now as I am recording this podcast, it is right before the 2020 election.  And there is so much judgment out there.  So much ‘I am right, you are wrong” and so much anger!  I am not going to talk about what’s going on in the world right now.  I want to talk about how YOU can return yourself to what is essentially all of our natural states, which is happiness and success, in any area of your life.  And accessing that natural state is possible, even in the uncertain world we are living in right now.  See, life will always be messy.  Life was messy before, life will be messy again.  I am in the business of working hard to boil things down to their essence and teach the universal principles that apply to ALL areas of your life.  Bottom line idea of Dethroning Your Inner Critic -- happiness and success aren’t something that we need to pursue, go after, or have.  

Happiness and success is really a byproduct of our natural state once we are no longer identified with the Inner Critic and therefore the drama is gone.  And by success, I am not talking about financial success.  I am talking about success in the true sense of the word: a life lived from the inside out. The key to living a successful life is grasping the awareness that you are enough. Once you truly understand that you are enough, you create the space within yourself that allows you to realign with the part of you that is beneath your Inner Critic, that is your authentic selfLearning how to manage your mind is what brings us back to our natural state of happiness and success.  Learning how to look at your automatic thoughts whipped up by your Inner Critic, and no longer identifying with all that it says.  This is how we evolve ourselves and grow.  This is how we shift into a new life.  To quote the late Wayne Dyer, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.  When you ditch the drama your Inner Critic creates, you begin to realize that your reality is really not as harsh as your Inner Critic makes it out to be.  

Remember, your Inner Critic mind centers around protecting you from pain-- from being judged by other people, rejection, failure-- so our Inner Critic occupies the space of “I’m right and you’re wrong” in order to keep us from seeing our own responsibility in how our life occurs for us.  

We all know that we have an Inner Critic, that we are our own worst critic, that we are hard on ourselves, and even that we are a perfectionist with ourselves. It’s ok for us to say we are judgmental against ourselves.  But we would never admit that we are critical or judgemental of other people.  In fact, if we really admit how judgmental we are, we might feel hypocritical.  But Here’s the thing-- if you have an Inner Critic, you are also judgmental of others.  We judge other people’s personality traits or their mistakes because essentially we are afraid to see this in ourselves.  That’s our Inner Critic-- protecting us from that discomfort.  Blame is the projection of not wanting to own our automatic thinking. Our Inner Critic blames other people for our feelings.  And that keeps us stuck in the right/wrong mentality.  And it is a setup for unhappiness and discontent.  We would rather be right about how wrong someone else is, than to actually do the work on ourselves so that we can be happy.  This is how most people live, and sadly, this is how most people die.  Never taking responsibility for their own thinking that creates their unhappy emotions, and then acting out their automatic thinking over and over again in their behavior-- either unhealthy behavior towards themselves, or unhealthy behavior towards other people.  And they keep playing out a vicious cycle over and over, of judgment, anger, pain and unhappiness because they believe they need to fix or change either themselves or someone else.  

Our Inner Critic assigns meaning to everything around us-- we have an ideal version of who we are supposed to be, how our lives are supposed to look, how other people are supposed to treat us.  That ideal version lives in our minds, and we are automatically comparing everything to that image.  And even positive statements can also be Inner Critic judgments-- if we feel good enough because some part of our life matches that ideal, like I finally lost the weight, or I made the sale, or I achieved the degree, that can be a set up to judge yourself harshly when parts of your life don’t match the ideal.  And that will always be the case-- you will always have parts of your life that don’t match your Inner Critic’s expectations, attachments and demands.  So if you are listening to your Inner Critic’s judgments and opinions about you, other people, and judgments about parts of your life and other people’s lives that don’t match the ideal, this keeps you from your natural state of happiness and success.   

Your Natural state is to move beyond your Inner Critic stories and tap into a better part of your brain.  That better part of your brain is your authentic self.  The automatic part of your brain seeing your world through the narrow lens of your Inner Critic-- 

When you learn to access the Other part of your brain-- you can build things you never thought were possible-- a whole new relationship with yourself, new relationships with other people, a dream business, a bucket list goal-- .  But happiness and success is not something that we pursue or go after.  That may be different than what you always thought.  Building those things from our natural state of happiness and success, when we are tapping into our new mind, that is a game changer.  Most people build those things as a way to pursue happiness and success.  And when they reach their goal, they find that the feeling of happiness and success they were longing for is short lived.  So instead, as we are building these things and designing a new life, we feel happiness and success NOW.  Not when I get those things-- that is how life unfolds in a new direction-- because you enjoy the journey of building those things.  You remain happy and experience your success as your life unfolds-- you don’t need to wait until you reach your goal to experience it.  And that is really what living a beautiful life is all about.  

You Move through change and uncertainty without attachment-- you actually learn to bypass your Inner Critic--It’s like Michaelangelo--  Michelangelo was asked by the pope about the secret of his genius, particularly in regards to the statue of David, largely considered to be the greatest sculpting masterpiece of all time. Michelangelo responded by saying, “It’s simple. I just remove everything that is not David.”  When we learn to unhook from our automatic mind, we are essentially removing all the parts that are not our authentic selves, to reveal who we REALLY are.  This is counter intuitive-- most people think they need to change things, develop more skills, learn how to better ourselves--this is what our culture teaches us.  

The work of Dethroning Your Inner Critic is NOT that-- it is actually getting so intimately familiar with your Inner Critic, that you know the difference between YOU and IT.  And once you know that, and practice unhooking from your Inner Critic moment by moment, the old parts of the self die and you make room for the new parts of yourself to emerge--

You Take away all that doesn’t look like happiness, success, joy, gratitude, contentment, fulfillment-- because you will find it’s only your Inner Critic’s stories that make you not see who you already are and the life you are already living-- this is true freedom

Hard to be in the world without having judgments-- we judge everything!  Inner Critic-- either I am better than you or I am not as good as you.  And if you start to pay attention to how much you judge, you will be amazed!

How can we be with others and be with ourselves and be in our lives without judgment? 

Judgement is separation.  Should, shouldn’t, good, bad, right, wrong, supposed to-- these are all judgments-- Your Inner Critic says, “I would do it differently.  I am better than that.  I am more responsible than you.  I am less lazy than you.  I am smarter than you.  I have a more open mind than you.  I take care of my body better than you do.  What is wrong with you?”  

Your Inner Critic creates Separation-- “If I were in your shoes, I would do it differently than you”-- how do you know?  When you are not in your Inner Critic mind, you have more compassion and understanding for other people’s pain, and other people’s triggers.  You don;t take other people’s attitudes or jerkiness so personally.  We are so much more alike than we are different;  we are all human beings looking at the world through the lens of our Inner Critic-- it’s hardwired in us.  See, ultimately, all humans want to love and to be loved. But we forget that-- we don’t realize that other people’s anger, judgment, harshness, attitude, is only THEIR Inner Critic who is assigning meaning, just like we do, to so many things, and they are relating to that meaning as though it’s the truth, when in fact  it is just their Inner Critic story whipping up drama and pain

And most people are in a lot of emotional pain because they are fused with their Inner Critic.  And their thoughts, feelings and actions reflect that pain.  When we remember that this is their Inner Critic mind that is causing these behaviors, we can let things roll off much easier-- this is how we cultivate the ability to remain calm and at peace no matter what someone else says or does-- and even have empathy and compassion for their pain.  This doesn’t mean we need to accept their behavior, we sometimes need to tell people that their behavior is unacceptable, but we can set the necessary boundaries without being so reactive.  

 If someone says something mean, our Inner Critics first impulse is to label that person as mean.  But we might later learn that her child is severely depressed or on drugs, and is having a really bad day.  

The automatic lens of the Inner Critic is-- I wouldn't do that, because I am different from you-- I am better than that.  But you have also acted in ways you are not proud of-- 

When you learn to intentionally think from a new place you strengthen your ability to stay in a neutral place instead of assigning meaning and motive and judgment.  This is when we learn at a deeper level, that ALL suffering is ultimately related to self judgment.  When you evolve into that new brain, you move beyond judgment.  

The way we think is what creates our Direct relationship with reality-- when you can stay neutral and in a place of no judgment by learning to unhook from your Inner Critic’s judgments, you access happiness and success in all areas of your life.  You can let our walls down.  You can connect more with yourself and other people.  You don’t fear other people’s judgments and criticisms. You show up in the world with an open heart, instead of protecting yourselves from potential pain.  You feel at peace from within instead of always looking outside of yourself to feel good enough and loved and valued.   Your Inner Critic’s old beliefs actually begin to seem pointless.  And when you are walking this new path, over time, this transforms who you are as a person-- you find fulfillment within yourself-- that is true happiness and success.  You see the common thread running through YOU and everyone else.  That’s when the battle between you and your Inner Critic ends.  And then Love wins.

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