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The Best Way to Predict Your Future Is to Create It

podcast Jul 07, 2020

Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners! Today I want to talk about why so many people have such a challenge with creating the future they really want to be living. The bottom line is that almost no one is taught exactly HOW to create it. And without being taught, our automatic minds are in control of our lives. That is like giving your five-year-old the keys to your car!  

In the self-help, coaching and therapy space, there is a lot of talk about “control your thoughts”. And I have said many times that everything starts with a thought. The problem with this idea of “controlling your thoughts” is that most of our thoughts, and we have about 70,000 per day, are rooted in beliefs from our past. 

Your past consists of memories-- all of your memories have an emotion. Why can we remember some things about our past but not others? Because long term memories come from strong emotions.

When you have had a strong emotional experience in your life, it captured your brain’s attention, because your physical brain sensed danger. So if you experienced a failure or a loss or in some way felt shame or inadequacy, your strong emotions signaled your brain to get hyper-focused on the event. And if you didn’t know at the time how to manage your thoughts around the circumstance and the emotion, your automatic mind formed a lot of beliefs around that event. 

This is why you can have the same emotional reaction over and over in your life.  Because even when that specific event is long in the past, you will continue to try to protect you from that pain over and over again. This is why many people tell me, “I don’t feel good enough and I am not even sure why.”  Or you have “a mood” come over you and you’re not sure why. 

Because even if you’re not thinking about that time in the third grade on a daily basis, your is hard wired to protect you from that pain and shame. So your mind is always automatically having those same thoughts day in and day out. You aren’t even aware of how much meaning your mind is assigning to what is happening in your life right now.

And if you keep going like this long enough, continuing to live your life automatically protecting yourself from potential pain and hurt, this defines parts of your personality. 

Now here is where we can realize just how crazy it is to let your automatic mind continue to guide your life: We make stuff up about the past. We form conclusions about why people said what they said or why something happened the way that it did, that aren’t even real conclusions. 

They are just made up interpretations and we have lived for sometimes decades, thinking that our interpretations are facts. So most people are living long term emotional reactions based on experiences from the past, which are actually just their story.

If you have a story about a memory of your past and haven’t rewired new thoughts about what happened, you are giving your power over to that event or that person, and you stay in a reactive state of anger, fear, jealousy, even when you’re not thinking of that person! You’re just bringing that emotional reaction to your present and your future, over and over again! 

So the moment you recall even a current problem in your life, you create the same familiar emotion. You might wake up with a thought about something that is happening in your life now. But your emotional reaction is based on emotions and interpretation that you carry from your past. 

For instance, you might have a friend that told you a white lie about something and you feel betrayed. But the betrayal that you feel is from your automatic thoughts that she disrespected you and doesn’t care about you the way you thought she did. But the only fact is that your friend didn’t tell you the truth. 

The rest of your thoughts about that is your story. And that is the story your Inner Critic goes to, because chances are you had an extreme emotional reaction to feeling disrespected and not cared about, sometime in your past. You’re not thinking about that time now, you’re getting whipped up into anger and resentment because your friend did what she did. 

You could sit in intense feelings about this for days or weeks. And chances are, this same story about being betrayed and disrespected has caused problems in other relationships as well over the years. And because your body doesn’t know the difference between an imagined past and what is occurring right now, you might have a lot of evidence that your Inner Critic has gathered over the years, that people don't care about you the way you want them to and so it’s best to not keep your heart so open with people. 

Maybe you have been guarded and only open your heart if it is 100% safe to do. And of course, there is never any guarantee for that so mostly you might be giving out a vibe that you aren’t even aware of that you are a little closed. And then it becomes difficult to create intimate friendships because your Inner Critic has been keeping your heart closed, and that confirms your Inner Critic’s story that people don’t care about you the way you want them to.  

So mostly, people are waking up into the same thoughts every day that fire the same circuits in their brain, and you become hard wired for certain emotions like guilt, unhappiness, fear, anger. And for most people, they don’t want to do the work of examining and observing their thoughts.  hey would rather be right about their Inner Critic’s conclusions, because they don’t realize that they are the creators of those thoughts.  And that is how our thoughts literally create our reality.   

So If you believe that your Inner Critic thoughts have something to do with your destiny, you need to decide whether you are going to be defined by what you are creating in the future, or are you going to be defined by your memories of the past. If you are creating your life and you are living by lack, what you are creating over and over again is the experience of lack. 

So if you want to live a life where your thoughts shape your destiny, you need to understand how to master your mind. If you are living with lack and pain, most people look towards something or something out there that will take away their pain.They want to change the circumstances so that they feel better. This never works! 

Because they will continue to feel lack, even when they achieve the thing they thought would bring them happiness. That is why so many people hit a brick wall mid-life.  Many have achieved what they wanted and still  feel unfulfilled and discontent.  

Becoming the observer of your thoughts is like lighting a match in a cave. And change requires that we step out of the known and into the unknown. When we start to rewire new thoughts, your Inner Critic mind doesn’t like the unfamiliar and the unknown so it will continue to find those old familiar thoughts about the past that create the same emotion, because it is used to feeling that emotion. 

So I tell people all the time when you are rewiring a new mind, your Inner Critic will scream louder than it ever has before. And your one and only job is to learn how to sit with the discomfort your Inner Critic is creating. When you can learn how to sit in it, that is when you are doing the work of overcoming your old mind. 

And that IS the Definition of creating a new life--overcoming your old mind.  When you stop living from your old mind, you are breaking your ’s addiction to the emotion.  If you become aware that all of those old Inner Critic thoughts are nothing more than your brain’s automatic conditioning and aren't really YOU, you can decide intentionally to sit in the fire and tell your Inner Critic, “YOU are no longer ME.  I am now separate from you." 

And this creates a freedom like you have never experienced before. It is a liberation of your stuck energy that you have been carrying around with you for most of your life.   And every time you do that, that is a victory. Your Inner Critic says, you aren’t enough, what if they reject you, what if you fail, why bother even trying, I will never change-- that is just your Inner Critic. 

It’s like retraining yourself like you would train a dog. Just sit. Don’t move. No matter what you feel, just sit. That is when you realize that you don’t have to keep running away from the emotions that are created by your automatic mind.  And if you can sit with the emotion, you can actually get to a point where you release it. Every time you have a victory of sitting in the discomfort of an emotion without running, numbing, distracting you are slowly breaking the habit of being your old self.  

When you teach your mind to see your future as though you are already living that future right now, by creating thoughts that give you elevated emotions like joy, gratitude, abundance, you change your internal state.  And because your Inner Critic is hard wired around lack, most of us are not present to the parts of our lives where we can already feel joy, gratitude and abundance. When you are thinking in ways that make you feel right now like you already are enough, and you have nothing to prove or fix or control, you are free. And when you are free, you are generating different chemicals in your brain. 

You are leaving your lack, your not-enoughness. You are no longer demanding that circumstances need to change or people need to act a certain way for you to feel good. You are feeling like your future has already happened because you are generating different chemicals in your brain.  You are leaving your lack, leaving your not-enoughness in the past, where it belongs.  When you feel the freedom and the joy right now, you change your internal energy. 

And from those elevated emotions, you begin to have completely new thoughts that continue to create new emotions. Those new emotions cause you to take different actions than your Inner Critic mind would have you taking. And as you continue to engage in the rewiring of your mind, and feel new emotions that lead to different actions, this is how you completely change the direction of your life. 

Abraham Lincoln said it best: “The best way to predict your future is to create it.”  I have witnessed this in my own life, and I have witnessed it countless times in the lives of my clients. Predicting your future begins with mastering your MIND. When you know how to do that, The only way I can describe it is that it is magical. But it’s not magic! It’s brain science!  

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