My Inner Critic's gift to me for my 50th birthday

podcast Dec 29, 2020


Can't listen? Here's the transcript: 

Hey Dethroners!  This past week, I turned 50.  And I want to share with all of you how my Inner Critic can wreak her havoc, even on the heels of one of my greatest accomplishments in my life so far.  So, the week leading up to my 50th birthday might have been one of the best week’s of my life.  I launched my book Dethroning Your Inner Critic:  the four step journey from self doubt to self empowerment, and it became a number one international best seller on Amazon.  So you can imagine how over the moon I was.  And I had a wonderful 50th birthday, and felt so much love and abundance and gratitude.  And then, on the morning of my 50th birthday, I woke up with an elephant of fear sitting on top of my chest, that was my special gift from my Inner Critic, who by the way is named worrying willhemenia, which you will read about when you read my book.  Now, because of the work of Dethroning Your Inner Critic, I knew that my Inner Critic mind would take over-- I could have predicted it!  And that is because whenever we are up to creating the life of our dreams, our Inner Critic will continue to try to do her job of keeping us safe and protected from danger, which means as soon as we set out to take action towards what we are going for, she will start to scream.  And when you are on your journey to create your most amazing life, it is imperative that you also embrace the darkness and discomfort that your Inner Critic will whip up and to keep taking action and being AT CAUSE in the creation of your life.   Because when you are someone who is on this path, it requires that you know how to use your mind to generate courage as you are lifting yourself out of one level of your life and into another.  And this work is truly the only thing that has gotten me to where I am now.  It has required me to continually manage and direct my mind so that I am absolutely trusting the flow of life-- and my Inner Critic does not like that one bit, because Wilehemenia wants to predict and control the shit out of everything and everyone.  And when I am grounded in my Authentic Self, what I KNOW, is that life does not happen to us, it happens through us.  And all that is required of all of us is that we take bold action, and leap into the face of the unknown and moment by moment let go of the powerful grip of hesitation, procrastination, second guessing.  

See, my Inner Critic believes that I have to do everything on my own.  That how my life goes is all up to me.  And-- if I look back at all that I have built so far, that is NOT AT ALL the case.  There are so many moments of synchronicity-- so many moments that changed my life, that basically just fell upon me.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I had to keep staying in action.  But as I took actions, the universe matched my intentional thoughts, and created situations that I couldn’t have scripted or predicted if I wanted to.  Think about your own life-- I am sure that you have so many synchronicties along your path so far.  But we still don’t trust it!  No matter how much evidence we have that it is not up to us, our Inner Critic does not want us to let go of playing it safe.  The evidence I have that life will bring me to where I want to be in exactly the right time, is overwhelming. And all I have to do is trust the process.  But my Inner Critic doesn’t want to trust the process because jumping into the fast track of life feels exhilarating one moment, and terrifying the next.  My Inner Critic isn’t grounded in any reality, she is grounded in fear.  And that isn’t reality-- that is fantasy.  But we live in a culture that lives in fear and distrust of the divine timing of all of it.  So, when I am separate from my Inner Critic mind, when I am unhooked from wilhelmenia, I follow my intuition, I trust in life, I trust in myself and keep staying in action, I keep showing up and diving off the edge of what I already know and leap right into the path of the unknown.  

And the only thing that will have me leap into the next chapter of my life, is unconditional love.  And my Inner Critic’s birthday gift to me, was conditional love.  Conditional love is what we are taught.  It’s actually what we inherit from our parents, who inherited it from their parents, who inherited it from their parents.  Most people spend their entire lives in conditional love and they don’t even know it.  And it reminds me of that song, “looking for love in all the wrong places”-- some of you might be too young to know that song.  So I am talking about using the MIND Method and all of the tools of Dethroning Your Inner Critic to cultivate a different relationship with yourself--- one that is unconditional.  Unconditional love is about not getting caught in the circumstances of life.  You have to become someone who loves yourself unconditionally because it is the only way to live a free life.

It is about being connected to trusting the flow of life regardless of the conditions.  Your automatic mind will say that you can only feel good if your Inner Critic’s demands and attachments are met.  And so many people wait for their life to match their Inner Critic demands before they feel good.  And that is not living life, that is surviving life.  And it is heartbreaking.  An unconditional relationship with yourself is deciding that I am going to love myself because I do, not because my life matches my Inner Critic conditions.  Because here is the thing-- I met my Inner Critic’s attachments-- I wrote a number one internationally bestselling book!  And my Inner Critic STILL says I am not good enough to accomplish what is my next goal.  My Inner Critic’s main focus in my life is on 2 areas-- my kids’ happiness and my business.  And of course, with covid, my kids’ happiness is always the thing that will whip her up into fear.  But I  Can’t control someone else’s happiness-- can’t control my kids’ happiness, can’t control what others think of me. And if I try to control any of it, my life goes haywire.  If I try to control any one of my kids, my relationship with them goes south.  I can set rules and boundaries and consequences and stick to those.  But when I try to control their happiness by trying to control their choices, it NEVER goes well.  I have learned that my one and only job as their mom is to love them-- not to make their lives turn out in the way I think it should-- that is up to them!  And it is the same in my business--I can’t control the direction my business is going--I  just take the next action-- and that is how I create my peace right now.  That is my number one goal-- inner peace right now-- which is the polar opposite of trying to get my life to match my Inner Critic’s conditions.  When I run after my Inner Critic’s demands, my life is filled with stress.  When I sit in the place of patience, trust and allowing, what I need along the path then flows to me without stress.  I attract exactly what I need.  This is how I became an expert for Campowerment in2015, which is where I created the first Dethroining Your Inner Critic workshop.  I didn’t seek out campowerment.  A friend of a friend, who has now since become my friend, introduced me to the CEO Tammy Leader Fuller.  And my book editor, Maggie McReynolds, who was instrumental in getting my book to the finish line, I met through a friend of a friend when I casually mentioned I was writing a book.  And so many of my speaking engagements happened this way as well;  And I know that as you are listening to this, you can think of a hundred ways that life gave you exactly what you needed when you needed it-- even if it came in the package of pain.  Sometimes life has to blow up to give us what we need-- I have had business partnerships that ended, and projects that failed, and countless other ways that life didn’t go where I wanted it to.  And now I see that it is all part of the journey that got me exactly where I am now.  But we don’t trust this.  And this is how most of the world lives, which is why so many people’s lives go haywire when they use conditions to support their emotions.  Your 

Inner Critic says--I would feel better if that condition didn’t exist, or if that condition were met.  But your 

Authentic Self says--I would feel better if I stopped focusing on that condition needing to be met so I can feel good.

When you are in touch with your Authentic Self and who you really are, you can love yourself and your life unconditionally regardless of what the circumstances are.  

You have to train your mind, manage your mind really, -- to feel good whether there is a good condition or not.  Most people only feel good if the condition is met and they chase the condition.  And that doesn’t work!  

Our Inner Critic wants to control the conditions of our life and the conditions of other people’s lives.  That is her life’s mission!  But here is the most important thing to understand:  Trying to control the conditions of our life or other people’s lives is the thing that keeps you from unconditional love more than all other things put together.  

You influence the conditions of your life when you stop trying to control the condition and instead control how you feel about the condition!  

Aligning your mind with your Authentic Self means you feel good when you are with yourself, you feel good when you are with others, you don’t need other people to behave or think a particular way.   

Aligning with your Authentic Self, you wholly embrace who you already are and what anyone else thinks about that becomes irrelevant.  You stop comparing yourself to other people and trying to get other people to like you, love you, choose you, value you-- that is a condition that will cause you to suffer.  We are taught conditional love-- our culture promotes it.

You can live in a world that has chaos and still feel good.  Because as the buddhist saying goes, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.  We believe that we NEED control--and this is what  creates confusion and manipulation and suffering.  

I am on the path-- I don’t need to know where the path is going-- I just keep taking the next action on the path.  I know there will be pain along the path.  And I also know there will be elation and miracles along the path.  

I don’t know how any of it is going to come, but I know it will come-- I don’t need to know the how, the where and the who.  I can stay in alignment with feeling good right now regardless of my circumstances.  

Your feeling good is what calls the action from you-- the action creates the results in your life for sure, but it is feeling good that creates the action.  And feeling good comes from intentional thoughts.   

Everything that you consider to be a bump in the road along your path, you keep it alive and turn it into a major roadblock when you pay attention to it.  You don’t even need to call it a bump-- it’s not a bump-- it’s just the part of the journey that gives you information about what is the next action.  

No matter how bad I feel momentarily bc my Inner Critic has taken over, I always have the power to return myself to my Authetic Self and remember that my well being is never ever about my circumstances and is only about focusing on my Authentic Self-- and I can shift my emotions in an instant.  See, Hard work is not the path to well being-- feeling good is the path to well being.  

Lightning up, letting go of the struggle, letting go of my tight grip to make it happen, that is the key to an extraordinary life. All gets better and better when I don’t rush it, I don’t push it, I don’t compare myself to others, and I surrender into trusting that it is all going to happen.  MY Inner Critic hates that!  But when I am aligned with my Authentic Self I can watch for the signs of all of it happening, and I have fun with it-- I keep on my path and watch these amazing things unfold as I go, that are gifts from the universe.  

Every time you feel fear you are looking through the lens of your Inner Critic rather than your Authentic Self.  I woke up on my 50th birthday with the gift from my Inner Critic that keeps on giving.  She has said the same shit to me for my entire life, and she will continue to do so with every big leap I take.  And my ability to sit with that elephant on my chest, to know it isn’t real, to know it is just my Inner Critic doing her job, that awakening has been the biggest gift of my life.  And there is nothing that makes me feel more alive than when I am supporting other people to see this for themselves.  When you know the difference between you and the voice of your Inner Critic, you have truly won the lottery of life.  And as I witness people unhooking from their Inner Critic, they literally are becoming a different human right before my eyes.  This is how I became a different human and so supporting others in seeing that they are not the same person they used to be and are creating a different life than they thought was possible, I will tell you there is no greater joy.  

Is Your Inner Critic Keeping You From Success?

Find out what your Inner Critic is saying to sabotage your success and how you can move past her limiting beliefs. 


50% Complete

Two Step

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.