3 Ways Your Inner Critic Sabotages Your Romantic Relationships

relationships Feb 06, 2018

Note: This is the first installment in our month-long series about how the Inner Critic meddles in romantic relationships.

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Your Inner Critic can be the opposite of Cupid -- instead of bringing you closer to your partner, it can cause you to act in ways that actually sabotage your relationship, creating pain and distance.  

When your partner says or does something that triggers your Inner Critic, you may believe he or she is behaving this way because you're not loved enough, valued enough or important enough.

When you’re validating and “truthifying” the messages from your Inner Critic, you believe what you’re seeing, which dictates how you feel and act towards your partner. This is how small misunderstandings can turn into huge blow ups.  

When the Inner Critic is in charge of your romantic relationship, love can go out the window. You may react toward your partner with anger, criticism, or even worse, shut down and take your love away.  

If you’re looking for the signs of your Inner Critic drawing back its bow (and not in the matchmaking way), here’s what your Inner Critic is really doing:

1) Picks petty fights with or pulls away from your partner. Your partner is human and will inevitably forget or even resist doing something now and then. Watch as your Inner Critic tells you that you're being taken for granted or even disrespected. This triggers an instinct to protect yourself, causing you to either pull away or pick petty fights. Both roads lead to blocking intimacy between you and your love.

2) Assigns false meaning and collects evidence. Do a few negative experiences overshadow the positives in your relationship because of ongoing anger, resentment or self-righteousness? Is your Inner Critic seeing things in your relationship worse than they really are?

3) Believes in a fantasy of what a relationship is supposed to be.  Are your Inner Critic’s unrealistic expectations of yourself and your partner leading to chronic disappointment and dissatisfaction?

Use these tips to recognize where your Inner Critic is a third wheel in your relationship and take steps to remove her power.

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